12 Tips to Win a Guy Over (or keep him from leaving)

Posted by on May 15, 2011 in dating after divorce, single women over 40 | 9 comments

win a guy overWant to know how to win a guy over? The best authority on what men want is – you guessed it – a man! I watched a video made by a man on how to keep your relationship alive and healthy. The delivery was crass, but the words were wise. I have paraphrased his message, because when men talk, I pay attention. There is much to learn, not only about keeping a relationship from falling apart, but also about the keys to attraction.

12 Tips to Win a Guy Over (or keep him from leaving)

1. Don’t listen to your single girlfriends’ advice. Especially if they’re unsuccessful in their relationships, your single girlfriends are probably giving you the wrong advice about men. Talk to men about men. They know what they want (duh!). After all, they are the experts on men. Makes sense to go to them for advice.

2. Start complimenting your man. How many of you are in a relationship for any length of time and have forgotten the importance of compliments? Doesn’t it feel great when he says nice things about you? Say nice things about him, too. It’s so easy to lose sight of the importance of acknowledging what’s great about each other.

3. Don’t try to change him. This is a biggie! So many people go into relationships with the thought of changing the one they’re with. This kind of ‘if only’ thinking is toxic to the relationship. I’m referring to big changes, not the little tweaks, like his old-fashioned clothes or outdated furniture. These are minor and can be discussed. However, if he doesn’t take care of himself, physically, emotionally, financially, that’s another story. You either accept him for who he is or find another guy. Don’t impose your disappointment on him. It will only piss him off.

4. Know what your guy likes and learn it. If he loves football, make an effort to learn the game. Sit with him while he watches the Superbowl. He won’t expect you to love football in the same obsessive way he does, but you’ll get many brownie points for being willing to learn the game.

5. Curb your jealousy. If you start obsessing about every female friend or business acquaintance your man has, you’ll most likely turn him off. You will come across as needy, not confident. If you have built trust together and you are in a committed relationship, it’s okay for him to have female friends and even to appreciate the beauty of other women. After all, if he’s a healthy male, he appreciates women. This doesn’t make you less special. Show your confidence, and he’ll probably pay even less attention to others. Confidence is sexy.

6. Keep in shape. Eat healthy, exercise, and take good care of yourself. Men are very physical. They care about how you look. It’s easy to become complacent when you are in a long-term relationship. Here’s my advice: take care of yourself for both of you. It has the dual effect of keeping him loyal to you and keeping you feeling good, inside and out. Oh, and make sure he takes care of himself, too.

7. Stay fresh. Keep up with your self-care, namely your hygiene. Again, just because you’re in a long-term relationship, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t shave your legs, tweeze your eyebrows, and keep yourself smelling good. (Same goes for him, by the way). And every once in a while, buy yourself some sexy underthings. Surprise your guy. You’ll both be glad you did.

8. Be spontaneous. Use your imagination. Take initiative. Go with the flow. Take some risks. Have fun. Enough said!

9. Don’t talk him to death. Most women love to talk. Most men don’t love to listen to endless chatter. Gossip with your friends. Have more meaningful conversation with your guy. Better yet, laugh and have fun together. Nothing worse than that glazed over look from him (and vice versa, I might add).

10. Be open in the bedroom. Don’t fall into a boring routine. Keep it spicy and fun. Be open and good things will follow. Keep it sexy.

11. Be supportive. He has dreams. Support them. Even if you don’t believe in the practicality of his dreams, don’t defame him by knocking down his hopes and dreams. Let him fail on his own. He needs a cheerleader on his side, not a Debbie Downer or a Practical Pamela telling him why he shouldn’t follow his heart. (I would hope he does the same for you).

12. Don’t force a guy to do what he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t like book clubs? Don’t make him attend yours. He doesn’t like the same music as you? Take your girlfriend to that concert and let him have a night with the guys. You should each have your own interests, and sometimes his will be completely different from yours. That’s great! It means that you won’t grow bored of each other. You just have to have the right expectations around those different interests. Rule of thumb: to each his/her own.

So, what do you think? Agree? Disagree? I want to hear from you!

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  • http://LeannMaxwellBurr.com Leann

    Oh Sandy….I COMPLETELY Agree!!! These are ALL good points! Sometimes I think we forget…that although we like to “be a couple”…we are still INDEPENDENT of one another…and you have to hold both positions in a healthy way!! :) Great post!!

  • http://lastfirstdate.com Sandy Weiner

    Thanks, Leann! Your comment means a lot to me. Especially since you are happily married again. You seem to know the ‘secret’ to making it work. You give hope to people looking for love the second time around!

  • http://www.leannmaxwellburr.com Leann

    The Secret…is remembering that we are ALL HUMAN. We are all on a journey of learning, and if we love unconditionally from the heart…we are guided. Neither my husband nor I are by ANY means PERFECT…LOL In fact, FAR from it! But we are respectful of each other’s learning processes. AND…no matter what happens in our relationship…we do NOT take it personally. That can sometimes be hard… and let me add…there are NO lessons we have not learned together. ;) Now to quote my teens…”nuf said!” LOL Wishing everyone who reads this much love and laughter in life’s learnings…. XO

  • http://lastfirstdate.com Sandy Weiner

    Leann, you express the truth about some real relationship success secrets – not taking things personally, accepting imperfection in each other, and growing together. I hope my audience takes these important lessons into account. There is no fairy tale relationship. Love is grand, but it takes a load of hard work to make it thrive. xoxox

  • Pingback: From First Date to Engaged! (The secrets to dating successfully) | Last First Date

  • Pegga604

    well said!

  • Unknown<3

    Good! I need some help! At least I know I shouldn’t drag my bestfriend/crush to car shows and museums.

  • Kristien

    I love 1-5 the most. I made some mistakes when i was younger, but then i was very immature still. I believe to have patience is also a very important one too. You can’t force someone to like you, and guys need their space. If you rush things through he is most likely to loose interest and move on.

  • Chelsie Lankford

    I need to win my ex back! Thanks this should help.

  • Morebetterness

    Hmmmm….some interesting advice.
    Staying in shape keeps a guy loyal to you? Uh, no, not a guarantee. Just ask all of the gorgeous women with tight bodies who were left by and cheated on by their boyfriends and spouses. (Sandra Bullock, Elin Nordegren, Princess Diana, Jennifer Aniston, Sienna Miller, Christie Brinkley, etc etc to name just a few famous beauties)
    How about staying interested in growing and learning and being an interesting, kind and loving person,with goals and a love for life? The guy who wrote this is a shallow selfish ass.