How to Let a Guy Down Without Hurting His Feelings

Posted by on November 3, 2013 in breaking up with grace, communication skills in dating, dating after divorce | 0 comments

heart breakWomen are raised to be nice. We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. While it’s great to always try and be kind to others, sometimes you have to say and do things that other people may not like. One of the most difficult things to do is to let a guy down when a relationship is not working. How can you let a guy down without hurting his feelings? 

It all depends on what stage of relationship you’re in. If it’s after a first or second date, just say something like, “It’s been nice getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re a good romantic match. I wish you the best of luck on your search.” You don’t need to go into a long explanation. You barely know each other, but you’ve seen and heard enough to know it’s not a good match. Enough said. Less is more.

If you’ve been dating for a while, I believe you should have a conversation that’s more in depth. You can still let a guy down without hurting his feelings by being honest and kind. Take the high road, even if you’ve been hurt by him.

What are some things you should say?

Tell him what you like and appreciate about him first. Men respond well to appreciation. Then kindly and bluntly (most men want you to cut to the chase) tell him what’s not working for you in the relationship. Bottom line is, you don’t feel you’re a good match. He may disagree, and that’s fine. But you’ll both find a better match when feelings are mutual. You can’t force a relationship. End the conversation with appreciation for the things that were good in the relationship.

What are some things you shouldn’t say?

Don’t defame his character, call him names, or criticize him. This is really about the two of you as a romantic match. Focus on the relationship, not the person. Hopefully you’ve already discussed the relationship issues. If you’ve tried to work things out but nothing changed, it’s time to move on. There will be someone else who will love him for who he is. So don’t have a hissy fit, act like a victim, or call him names. Act like a lady and be loving towards him. I once broke up with a guy I had been seeing for four months, and he texted me, “That was the sweetest breakup ever. I’ll always love you.” We see each other from time to time, and there’s nothing but good will between us. I’m grateful for that.

Why is it important for your relationship to let him down easy?

I believe that what goes around comes around, especially in relationships. You attract what you put out into the Universe. So, take the high road. Be kind and considerate of his feelings. Live by the golden rule, and others will treat you in a similar fashion. You don’t want to burn bridges with any guy. You never know if you’ll end up dating him again under different circumstances. Maybe the timing was just off. Or maybe somewhere down the road, he’ll fix you up with his good friend. You never know…

Please share your thoughts on breaking up and how to let a guy down without hurting his feelings.

 

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