Why Do All Men Want to Have Sex on a First Date?
I’ve recently ‘put myself out there’ in the dating scene following the death of my partner. I keep hearing conflicting advice regarding men’s expectations on the First Date.
I am a very youthful looking 68 yr old female. I am told I look mid-fifties, but this isn’t the point, just background info.
I grew up in the fifties and sixties with high values. I did not believe in sex on first, or even second, third or fourth dates. I am now told that men expect sex on the first date, and that I shouldn’t be shocked by that, and it no longer holds the same stigma that it once did. What’s happened to our values? Is it just me?
I’d like to hear what men have to say on this subject. I’d like to know men’s opinions on the ‘respect’ aspect now that we are ‘of age’. Should I throw my ‘holding myself in high regard’……out the window?
I’m sorry for your loss. It can’t be easy to lose your partner, yet you’re out there dating again, which is great. I understand your concern about men wanting sex on a first date. This is a subject that comes up quite often in my coaching practice. I’ve spoken to men and women about their points of view, and I’ll share them before stating my own opinion on this hot topic.
What women think about sex on a first date
The women who come to me for coaching want to be respected and cherished by the men they date. They don’t want to have sex on a first date, because they don’t want to be objectified or seen as a sex toy. The women who have slept with a man too soon were often forgotten the next day. “Slam, bam, thank you Ma’am” is still alive and well with some of the men they date.
These women go from bliss to devastation in a matter of hours. That feeling of being used, the questioning of self-worth – it’s not a good place to be.
However, there are some women who are interested in sex right away and they don’t get emotionally invested in a relationship. They know what they want, and they are okay with the consequences if it doesn’t lead to more emotional intimacy.
What men think about sex on a first date
Men have shared with me that they almost always think about sex on a first date. They may not act upon it or say anything to you, but they are either attracted or not. If they’re not attracted, you won’t be asked out again. If they are attracted, they will probably want to make out with you and sleep with you after the 1st or 2nd date.
That doesn’t make men bad or lacking good values. It makes men MEN. They are simply acting on their attraction, while women often want more of a commitment before sleeping with a man.
I believe you have to love yourself first and foremost. You have to know your relationship standards before you get involved with anyone. My general principle in dating is that if you have built a level of trust with a man and you honor yourself, it’s okay to become sexually active – when you are ready.
A man may want sex right away, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in to his request.
I advise my clients to wait for an exclusive relationship before sleeping with a man. It’s okay to be physically intimate in other ways if you like, but you need to be clear with your man about what your standards are.
If a guy is moving too fast, don’t discount him as an a-hole or a jerk. He’s attracted to you, but he may not have the finesse to be classy about it.
If you like the guy, let him know. And then, you get clear with him. You take charge of your feelings and needs and tell him something like this:
“Charles, I am very attracted to you, but I don’t sleep with men until we’re in an exclusive relationship. If and when that day comes, you’ll be in for the night of your life. But for now, there’s plenty we can do without sleeping together.”
Bottom line is, men may want sex, and perhaps they’re more urgent or vocal about it than you’re used to, but unless they try to force you to have sex with them, they are not bad people. They are simply MEN.
Take charge of your love life, and a good man will wait for you to be ready to sleep with him. Let me know how it goes.
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