3 Reasons Why Men Are Scared to Commit—and What You Can Do About it

Posted by in breaking up with grace, red flags in relationships | 2 comments

Discover the top 3 reasons why men are scared to commit to you. Immediately know if he’s emotionally available or if it’s time to walk away and say, NEXT!

Wondering why men are scared to commit? I get it—dating after 40 can be challenging. Whether you’re online or offline, the process requires a lot of effort and time, and often, you’re left with a feeling of defeat, rejection, and just plain exhaustion. But then, every once in a while, you find someone special online. You connect and start to fall for him, only to find out that your potential partner doesn’t want to become exclusive. I want you to avoid this potential pitfall. With that in mind, here are three reasons why men are scared to commit to a relationship.

Why Men Are Scared to Commit

1. There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea…and He’s a Fisherman

Although commitment can be a positive thing for most people, there are still certain negative aspects that turn some men away from going all in with a woman. For example, once a guy commits, he loses any potential opportunity to date other women. Some men, or shall we say boys, want to keep their options open for as long as possible.

It’s understandable why men are scared to commit right now, especially if they’re dating again after divorce. After a long marriage ends, it’s important to spend some time healing and learning about who you are again. It’s understandable that a man at this stage of dating doesn’t want to settle down again so soon. In fact, I would discourage you from dating a man who’s newly separated or divorced, because chances are, he has some wild oats to sow. It’s frustrating, I know, especially when he seems to be so amazing. But you need to walk away from men who are not emotionally ready yet, so you can be open to someone who’s on the same page as you.

 

2. There Is/Was Someone Else

Some men are scared to commit because they have unresolved issues from the past. If he keeps talking about his ex, even if it’s with anger, don’t be surprised if the guy you’re dating can’t commit to your relationship. He’s either still holding out hope to reconnect to a past love, or he’s too vengeful to commit to you.

We all have past relationship history. And the best place to put that relationship is where it belongs—in the past. Many women find it challenging to date a widower, because they’re afraid he can’t move on from his one true love. However, widowers can make the best partners, especially if they’ve done the inner work. You can try widower dating, and connect with a wonderful potential partner.

 

3. He Has Other Priorities

In some cases, the reason why men are scared to commit to one woman is because he simply has other priorities in his life right now. That’s why he sees an exclusive relationship as something that will prevent him from fulfilling his current life goals.

A fulfilled life is not only about finding someone to love. Other areas of focus for a balanced life can include family, work, hobbies, friends, spirituality, and much more. Some guys find that one or more of these are simply more important at this time than a committed relationship, which keeps them from settling down temporarily or maybe even permanently. That’s actually a good thing to know in advance, before you get involved.

​So, if you’re dating a man who is scared to commit because he feels like his career is much more important than his love life, don’t expect him to commit to your relationship any time soon. Walk away like I did here.


​Now that you know a few reasons why men are scared to commit, please stop pursuing men who can’t or won’t commit to you. Know your value and your must-haves, and stick to them. Be the woman of value who communicates her needs to the men you like—as an empowered and graceful woman. Strong and soft at the same time. And if he is still too scared to commit, use my favorite word in dating: NEXT! That’s the only way to make space for the right guy to show up.

​If you would like to know how to be stop wasting time with the wrong men and communicate like a true #womanofvalue, let’s set up a time to talk. Because I want you to go on your LAST FIRST DATE!

 

 

​Photo: Flickr/​Jeremy Blanchard

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Comments

2 Comments

  1. Hi Sandy: You might expand this article to include widowers. I was involved in a serious relationship with a widower of 18 months. After two months of dating we discussed moving in together when he suddenly broke things off. He sent a letter a week later indicating he felt guilty about living with another woman, that he still had feelings for his late wife. I was heartbroken but forgave him. Everyone has baggage. Candace.

  2. Candace,

    I’m so sorry that you went through that with your widower. I give him credit for being open with his feelings. Yes, everyone has baggage, but some have worked through it and don’t project it onto the people they’re dating.

    I did address widowers in this article and in another that is referenced in tip #2. Please check it out.

    Best,
    Sandy

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