Blog

Hot tips, tools and dating advice

If you’re a single woman over 40, follow the blog to learn how to attract quality men, sustain a healthy relationship, break up with dignity, understand and communicate with men 40 +, and much more…

Share this!

Kirstie Alley is Ready to Date After Weight Loss

Posted by on January 26, 2015 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

date after weight lossAnyone who’s followed Kirstie Alley over the past few decades has seen her gain and lose weight many times. We’re talking hundreds of pounds. Over and over again.  And each time she goes up or down on the scale, it’s all over the news. I just read an article about her most recent weight loss in closerweekly.com and feel compelled to weigh in (pun intended). Why? Because it’s about how she’s ready to date after weight loss. I’m not here to judge Ms. Alley for gaining and losing 50 pounds. That’s her private struggle, and she already has enough paparazzi who measure every step she takes and every morsel she eats. She certainly doesn’t need a dating coach to pass judgment on her. That’s not the focus of this article. What compelled me to write is that she decided to date again after losing 50 pounds. That’s a topic I know many readers can relate to.  (more…)

Share this!

Teaching Children of Divorce How to Make Healthier Choices in Relationships

Posted by on January 23, 2015 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife | 0 comments

children of divorceOne of the reasons many people stay married long after their marriages fail is fear. And one of the biggest fears is that divorce will destroy their kids. The problem is, staying in a bad marriage can have an equally – if not more severe – negative impact on your children. My divorce mediator once told me that children are like the doormen of your building – they hear and see everything! How true. No matter what we think we’re hiding from them, children feel the tension, contempt, and distance between you and your spouse. Divorce is often the best thing for children, especially if you and your ex can put your children’s needs first.  (more…)

Share this!

My Boyfriend Is Not Affectionate Outside of the Bedroom

Posted by on January 22, 2015 in dating in midlife, love after 40, understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

boyfriend is not affectionateDear Sandy,

My boyfriend and I are in our mid seventies and have been together 1 1/2 years. After the first few months, I noticed he wasn’t very affectionate apart from sex.  He told me he was like his brother and father who were cold and distant with affection, but that he would work on it.  I told him I was upset, as it is a need for me.  Whenever I want cuddling, it is up to me to initiate it. He accepts it, says he doesn’t NOT like it.  I know he has aches and pains, so putting one arm around me is problematic.  I have even suggested that we could just make out with our clothes on, and we did once – he liked it.   (more…)

Share this!

How Important is Sex in a Relationship?

Posted by on January 16, 2015 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

sex in a relationshipAs the resident dating expert at Better After 50, I’ve spent the past two weeks writing about the secrets to lasting love. Like many of you, I grew up in a dysfunctional home. And if you’re like the majority of humans, you probably had a similar experience to mine. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t observe much love and affection between my parents. In the later years, there was a constant sense of tension, anger, and disappointment. During my childhood, things were much more peaceful and loving. But by the time I was a teenager, the strain between my folks was palpable. When I was 16, I begged my mother to get divorced. I couldn’t understand why my parents would stay together if they were so unhappy. (more…)

Share this!

Self-Love: 3 Tips to Recover From the Holiday Season

Posted by on January 12, 2015 in dating in midlife, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

self-loveYou’ve done it. You survived another stress-inducing, hurdle-jumping, catastrophe-avoiding holiday season and came through the other end relatively unscathed. Unfortunately, that “relatively” part may still be bothering you—some tension in the shoulders, a lingering headache, trouble sleeping… maybe you even find yourself short-fused with the ones you love. Odds are, you are still carrying around the stress and frustration of dealing with the holidays and all their chaos. Here are a few time-tested methods for increasing your self-love and help you get the New Year off to a better start. (more…)

Share this!

Jimmy Fallon’s Embarrassing Dating Mistake

Posted by on January 8, 2015 in communication skills in dating, dating in midlife, first date success | 0 comments

dating mistakesNicole Kidman made her first appearance on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon this week, where she revealed a very funny – and embarrassing – “first date” story. Jimmy had no idea that many years ago, when they were both single, Nicole had a crush on him. Their mutual friend, Rick, tried to set them up, and Jimmy was quite clueless. In fact, he was so un-flirty during her visit to his apartment, she assumed he might be gay! Watch the video, and then let’s discuss how to avoid this very common and embarrassing dating mistake. (more…)

Share this!

Signs of Infidelity: Is Your Partner Cheating?

Posted by on January 6, 2015 in breaking up with grace, communication skills in dating, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

infidelityGregory Smith is the Founder of midlifebachelor.com, and the author of “How to Successfully Recover from Having Been Cheated On” and “Signs of Infidelity – How to Know for Sure If Your Partner is Cheating”. Gregory has counseled thousands of men and women through various situations involving infidelity. He has seen literally EVERYTHING in terms of how people hide their infidelities … what they do, how they do it, how they hide things, and how they’ve been discovered. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of our radio show on Last First Date Radio. (more…)

Share this!

Too Early to Spend New Year’s Together?

Posted by on January 2, 2015 in understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

new year

Dear Sandy,

I recently met a great guy online. We have incredible chemistry, and we’re on the same wavelength about so many things. We’ve only been on a few dates, and he wants to spend New Year’s Eve with me. I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea. It feels like it’s too soon.

While I really like him, New Year’s seems ominous, a big night to spend with a serious boyfriend. Since we’re obviously not serious at this point (even though we like each other a lot), is this too soon? Should I go out with him, or make plans with my girlfriends for the big ball drop?

Jeannie

Dear Jeannie,

Congratulations on meeting a guy you like who likes you, too. Many women over 50 give up on online dating because they don’t have success. So, it’s commendable that you kept on dating until you met someone with whom you have a strong connection. And he likes you enough to want to spend New Year’s eve with you. Yay!

While meeting a good guy is definitely worth celebrating, I truly commend you for your ability to balance your heart with your head. Even though you’re excited about dating this new guy, your instinct is to slow it down. I couldn’t agree with you more. I believe that “slow and steady” is usually the wisest way to build a budding relationship.

Of course there are exceptions to the “slow and steady” rule. You probably know at least one couple that started with a bang and continued to grow in intensity. I subscribe to dating “principles” more than hard and fast rules. There is no “one size fits all” in dating. And one of my general dating principles is to beware of instant chemistry. It’s easy to follow your heart and libido and jump into an instant relationship when there’s strong chemistry and attraction.

When you’ve been in the “dating desert” for a long time and you finally meet a guy with whom you feel a strong connection – a spring of delicious cold water – you want to drink and drink and drink. But you can overdo it and get a little sick from too much too soon.

To learn about the danger of instant attraction and the importance of pacing in a new relationship, read more here.

Share this!

How to Write Effective Online Dating Emails

Posted by on December 29, 2014 in communication skills in dating, dating in midlife, online dating after 40 | 1 comment

effective online dating emailsOne of the most frustrating aspects of online dating is writing emails that don’t get responses. Most don’t even get opened. Five years ago, when I first started dating online after my divorce, I would write long heartfelt emails to men I liked. If I didn’t get a response, I’d take it personally. “Am I not pretty enough, young enough, sexy enough, don’t live close enough…(fill in the blank with your insecurity of choice)?” As a dating coach, I now know that when a man doesn’t respond, it’s usually not personal. There are so many reasons why emails don’t get responses. And if he doesn’t answer you, it’s not rejection. How can you be rejected if you don’t know one another? While it’s not rejection and it’s not personal, you might be making a few online dating email mistakes without even realizing it. I’m going to show you how to write effective online dating emails that get more responses.  (more…)

Share this!

Your Guide to Happier Relationships

Posted by on December 26, 2014 in dating in midlife, love after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

happier relationshipsWhen I first became a certified life coach, I wanted to figure out how to combine my past career as an artist with my new career as a coach. I began offering process painting workshops. Here’s how it worked: participants were given 12 colors of tempera paint, a variety of brushes and sponges to paint with, and large sheets of paper. After guiding them through a meditation to help them access their inner child, I’d play relaxing music and encourage them to let go and paint. The goal was to release their inner critic and enjoy the process without focusing on being “good at art”. The results were breathtaking. Clients had breakthroughs about relationships and jobs they were stuck in. Many went on to change their lives for the better. (more…)

Share this!