Last First Date

Have your friends or family members ever tried to set you up on a blind date? Are you cringing at the mention of a set up? Everyone I know has been set up at some point in their lives, and the results are often disastrous. I remember when I was in my twenties, and lots of people were interested in setting up a friend on a blind date. Most of those dates ended poorly. I’d get pretty angry at the person setting me up. “How could they have set me up with HIM? We are totally mismatched. Do they even know me at all?” Sound familiar? Well, I now understand that setting up a friend on a blind date is a two way street. And part of what makes a set up more successful is how proactive you are. Let me explain…

Setting Up a Friend on a Blind Date

1. Someone tries to push a potential date on you. Your friend or family member says they have the perfect person for you. What should you do or say? Ask lots of questions! Here are some examples: What makes him the perfect match? What can you tell me about his relationship history? Ask about the core values that are important to you. If being family-oriented is important, ask what his relationship to his children is like. If it’s important that he’s financially responsible, ask a question about his finances. Don’t be afraid to check him out before saying yes. One of the biggest problems in dating is wishful thinking. If you go in with your eyes closed, don’t be surprised by what you find. If you do your homework, you should be able to assess your date, at least peripherally, before you go out. When setting up a friend on a blind date, know before you go. That’s my motto.

2. The date didn’t work out. What do you do or say? If you’ve properly vetted the guy before dating him, you’ve done your due diligence. You’ve been proactive, and you can’t control the outcome, can you? So, the date wasn’t great. First, say thank you to the person who set you up. Tell them that you appreciate the set up, and ask if they’d like feedback as to what was good and bad about the date. Start with the good. Providing specific feedback will give the person more information about what you are seeking in a mate. Next time, they might have a better match for you.

3. No one is setting you up. How can you effectively ask for a set up? How many times have you heard, “You’re terrific. I wish I knew someone for you.”? Yep, like so many midlife daters out there, set ups don’t happen too often. You can do something about that. Here’s something that I did a few years back, and it yielded a few quality dates. I copied my online dating profile to an email and sent it out to about 25 select friends, people whose social circles were different from mine. I wrote this cover letter:

Hi,

Hope you are well. As you may know, I have been dating for about three years now.

I have met some wonderful men and some not-so-wonderful men. I have dated men that I’ve met online and off-line, through set ups and through my own irresistible charms : ).

Lately, I have found the dating scene to be quite frustrating. I want to get married again and get it right this time.

As a dating coach, I advise my clients to try many avenues in order to find the right guy. So, I’ve decided to try something new. And for that, I need your help.

I am writing you because you are an important person in my life, and I believe you are connected to some awesome people.

You probably know many men that I don’t know.

Would you be willing to think about any guy you might know, between the ages of 50 and 65, who might fit the type that I’ve outlined in my ‘JDate’ profile below?

I am not looking for a boy meets girl because they’re opposite sex and both single kind of fix-up, but one where we’re suited for each other, through commonalities and complements.

I have attached my full profile with the hope that it will give you a better idea about what kinds of things are important to me. I am hoping you might  forward it to the right man.

Who knows? With your help, I am hoping to find Mr. Right.

One more thing: If you help me find him, you will be generously rewarded. The right man is worth his weight in gold to me.

Thank you for any help you may provide in helping me find love.

With love,

Sandy

If you find this script helpful, feel free to use any part of it, and personalize it, too. The important thing is that you need to ask for what you want. If you don’t ask, and if you’re not specific, how can you expect the results you are seeking? And don’t forget to follow up a week or so later.

Bottom line: If someone is setting up a friend on a blind date, you need to check him out and ask questions. And don’t get angry at your friends for setting you up with Mr. ‘What-were-you-thinking?’. When you take responsibility for what you want, you’ll have much better results.

Let me know what happens. And please share your blind date set up stories with me. The good, the bad, and the hysterically funny. I want to hear them all.

xoxo

Sandy