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If you’re a single woman over 40, follow the blog to learn how to attract quality men, sustain a healthy relationship, break up with dignity, understand and communicate with men 40 +, and much more…

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5 Apps to Improve Your Relationship

Posted by on December 16, 2014 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

improve your relationshipRelationship needs have changed over the years. They have evolved from physiological and safety needs to being more about self-actualization and relating and responding to one another, shows research from Northwestern University. Those ideas might be hard to consolidate when we live in a world where texting, email and social media are the norm and gazing into your partner’s eyes may only be an occasional indulgence. Instead of trying to separate our plugged-in culture with our relationships, why not embrace it? Download an app to your smartphone that is designed to enhance your intimacy needs, improve your relationship, and give your relationship a fiery boost. (more…)

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Letting Go of Your Ex

Posted by on December 11, 2014 in breaking up with grace, communication skills in dating, dating in midlife, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

letting go of your exEllen and Jim dated for six months. In the beginning, their relationship was wonderful. The attraction was strong, and they shared many common values and interests. By month six, Ellen realized there was one red flag she could no longer shove under the rug. Jim had unresolved anger issues, and his last outburst was the final straw. He wasn’t in therapy and didn’t think his anger was a big deal. If he wasn’t going to take responsibility for his anger issues, Ellen wanted out. She got together with Jim and told him it was over.

He was devastated and shocked. He said he didn’t see it coming, even though Ellen had discussed her concerns with him many times. He wouldn’t take “no” for an answer and began stalking her. He wrote her long emails, professing his undying love, pleading with her to take him back. Then he began to text her daily. His obsession with Ellen had the exact opposite effect than the one he intended. Ellen felt annoyed and unsafe. She told him to leave her alone, but he wouldn’t listen. That’s when she reached out to me for support.”Help! My ex won’t leave me alone! What can I do to make him stop?” (more…)

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You Really CAN Find Love Online

Posted by on December 10, 2014 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, online dating after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

ONLINE DATING Most women I speak with have given up on online dating due to a lack of success. If you’re a woman over 40 and you’re still single, let’s talk. Have you given up hope? Maybe you’ve heard so many horror stories about the liars, cheaters, and scammers online, you’re too frightened to even try online dating.

I understand. When I first started dating online after my divorce, I was confused and scared. It felt like I had entered a foreign land. Which site to choose? Is it okay for women to email men? How quickly do you respond to an email? When do you share your phone number and how long should you talk before meeting? (more…)

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First Impressions Are Everything: Here’s How to Make a Great One

Posted by on December 3, 2014 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, first date success | 0 comments

first impressions Dating. For some, it can be a four-letter word. Others jump at the opportunity to date as much as possible. Whether you fall on one side of the spectrum or the other—or land somewhere in between—one thing is true, no matter how cliché it is: You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Recent studies show that first impressions are often made in an incredibly short amount of time, perhaps even less than a second.

The reality is (and everyone is guilty of this to some degree) that human beings are judgmental creatures. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as there are good judgments as well as bad ones, and understanding this can be to your advantage when meeting someone for the first time. Knowing that first impressions are made before you even have a chance to say a single word, take a little extra time on your appearance. (more…)

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Why Do Men Play Mind Games?

Posted by on December 1, 2014 in breaking up with grace, communication skills in dating, red flags in relationships, single women over 40 | 0 comments

mind gamesHi Sandy,

I recently dumped a guy I had been dating for 2 months as it seemed he was playing mind games with me, and only wanted to see me when it was convenient for him.  I met him online and specifically noted in my profile I was not interested in any game playing.  I made it clear I was looking for a long-term monogamous relationship.

I’m 53 and he’s 55.  When he sent a smile/flirt, I wrote him back even though he’s not normally the type of guy I would even go for. I thought I would step outside my comfort zone.

We would have a great date one night, and the next night he would act very cold.  In person, he’d say things like, “I really like you a lot”, “I enjoy your company, we have fun together”, and “You’re really easy to talk to, it makes it very easy for me to buy you a gift”.  He mentioned things like how “hot” I made him, etc.  Then I wouldn’t hear from him for 4 or 5 days and most of the time in between, I was reaching out to him via text or phone. (more…)

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They Found Love Online!

Posted by on November 30, 2014 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40, online dating after 40 | 2 comments

found love online John and Loretta met through an online dating site. At the time, John was a newspaper columnist giving online dating advice. Loretta was a magazine editor growing tired of the long line of ‘Mr. Wrongs’ the dating sites kept sending her. When they met, John tried to go a bit fast for Loretta’s liking – so she slowed him down. And that led to a friendship that blossomed into true – honest to goodness – love. Yes, they found love online. But getting there wasn’t always easy. In fact they almost didn’t get there at all. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of my radio interview with John and Loretta. (more…)

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Why Practicing Gratitude is Sexy

Posted by on November 28, 2014 in dating in midlife, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

gratitudeTurkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie, travel challenges and family get-togethers…Thanksgiving in the US is all that and more. I want to talk about another dimension of Thanksgiving, the importance of gratitude. Having a gratitude practice – on Thanksgiving and every day – can help you get through tough times. This quote by Melody Beattie says it so well:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”

(more…)

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11 Things A Man Can Do To Make A Woman Happy

Posted by on November 21, 2014 in dating in midlife, love after 40, online dating after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

make a woman happyWouldn’t it be great if we all came with an operating manual? It would make dating and relationships so much less confusing. I have my private clients write their own personal operating manual. It consists of her relationship plan – her must-haves, her must-not-haves, her communication style, and what makes her happy in life. She doesn’t literally hand that book out to the men she dates. That would be weird. It’s just for her, to give her clarity on her relationship standards and how she wants to be treated in relationships. It helps her identify the right men and walk away from the wrong ones.

There are some recurring themes in these operating manuals. Turns out that most women want similar things from the men in their lives. Married or single, I thought men might benefit from knowing what most women want in relationships. (Note: I said MOST because I realize we’re all unique, and some will disagree with a few of these points.) I once watched a YouTube video of a teenage girl telling men what women want, which inspired me to write this post for more mature men. If you agree with these tips, please pass them on to any men you know. Wouldn’t it be fabulous if men and women understood how to make each other happier? (more…)

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How Men View Dating and Sex

Posted by on November 20, 2014 in dating in midlife, first date success, love after 40, self-esteem in dating, understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

how men view sex and datingDear Sandy,

I am so confused about the “right” way to date. When I am honest and straightforward about presenting my true self on a first date, I often don’t get asked out a second time. It seems like maybe I’m not mysterious or flirtatious enough. I’ve been called down-to-earth. So, when I try to be coy, flirty, and don’t say too much, guys seem to like me better. They seem to be into the chase, the mystery of me. After they’ve made their conquest, they lose interest. It feels like either way you look at it, I lose. I am looking to find a wonderful man, and I don’t think my standards are unreasonable. Why can’t I find Mr. Right? Why does it have to be so hard? Men don’t seem like they’re from Mars. They seem like they’re from an alternate universe!

Help me understand men and dating please!

Maria (more…)

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9 Signs of Infidelity in a Relationship

Posted by on November 19, 2014 in breaking up with grace, communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

signs of infidelityThis article has been submitted by the team at Fine and Associates who are family lawyers in Toronto.

When you’re in a close relationship with someone and there are obvious signs that something is amiss, you need to look into it. Is there something different about your partner and you just can’t put your finger on it? They might not be keeping their regular schedule, may offer vague explanations of their activities, may be making changes to their appearance or are frequently spending late nights at the office. All this and more can lead to the suspicion of infidelity. It’s important to recognize these signs and to follow-up with your partner about their behavior. By identifying the signs of infidelity in the relationship, you can then begin an open and honest discussion on whether your partner is cheating and how the situation can be resolved. (more…)

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