Blog

Hot tips, tools and dating advice

If you’re a single woman over 40, follow the blog to learn how to attract quality men, sustain a healthy relationship, break up with dignity, understand and communicate with men 40 +, and much more…

Share this!

What NOT to Say When Your Feelings Are Hurt

Posted by on August 21, 2014 in communication skills in dating, dating in midlife, understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

your feelings are hurtDon’t you wish you always knew just what to say when someone you’re dating hurts your feelings? I used to have two basic modes of communication when my feelings were hurt: shut down or get defensive. Neither method is very effective. I would end up flabbergasted that my boyfriend would not honor and respect my feelings. I had no idea how to express my hurt without turning a man off. I had the same issue in my non-romantic relationships, too. Whether it was a family member who did something hurtful or my boss who wrongly accusing me of something I didn’t do, I would be at a loss for the right words to say. I knew I didn’t want to yell back. But I didn’t know how to remain connected, feel heard, and be open for feedback. I have finally learned what to say when my feelings are hurt, but there are some “experts” who are giving terrible advice about self-expression in a relationship. You can learn from them what NOT to say when your feelings are hurt. (more…)

Share this!

Do You Love Yourself First?

Posted by on August 20, 2014 in dating in midlife, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

love yourself firstLove yourself first? The first time I read about the importance of self-love, I didn’t buy into the concept. We’re living in the “me” generation. Don’t we have enough navel gazing? Isn’t our society saturated with enough narcissists? What’s up with all this self-love? We were taught to be humble. “Don’t talk about yourself.” “Be nice to others and put yourself last.” Those were the messages of my childhood, and I’ll bet you can relate. So, why must you love yourself first before attracting a healthy romantic partnership? (more…)

Share this!

Glasses or Contacts: How Do You Prepare for a First Date?

Posted by on August 19, 2014 in dating after divorce, first date success, self-esteem in dating | 2 comments

glasses or contactsDating. The word alone can conjure a mix of fear and anxiety. But it doesn’t have to. Dating can be fun and exciting. Not only is it an opportunity to meet new men, it is also an opportunity to learn so much about yourself. Dating also gives you a chance to get dressed up, have adult conversation, and reveal a new and improved YOU. How do you prepare for a first date? (more…)

Share this!

Is Your Anxiety Keeping You Single?

Posted by on August 18, 2014 in dating after divorce, first date success, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

anxiety keeping you singleYou’ve met an interesting guy online. You’ve emailed back and forth a few times, your first phone call went pretty well, and you’re looking forward to your first date in a week. Now it’s a few days before the date, and you haven’t heard from him since that initial phone call. You start thinking, “Why haven’t I heard from him? Maybe he’s not that into me. Maybe he changed his mind. Should I text or email to make sure we’re still meeting? Maybe I should call.” Your anxiety is building. You have been stood up before. You’ve been disappointed by other men. You’re not going to let this guy treat you poorly! So, you send him an email, “Are we still on for Monday?” When you don’t hear back (in five minutes), you email again, “Haven’t heard from you in a while, just checking in. Please let me know if we’re still meeting.” You’re still trying to be an easy breezy calm woman. Half-hour later, you’re freaking out. You email again, “Online dating is so crazy. There are moments that you feel that a person may be so right and then…poof! You disappeared.” An hour later, you’re fuming. Still no reply. “I have tried to confirm our plans and have not gotten a reply. I am totally surprised, particularly because we had such a great first conversation. I was wrong about you. Please lose my number.” Oh no! You’ve overreacted just a tad. This is scary behavior, but it’s more common that you’d imagine. Is your anxiety keeping you single?

(more…)

Share this!

The Rebirth of Romance Today

Posted by on August 14, 2014 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

the rebirth of romanceZan Perrion is internationally recognized as one of the most original and insightful voices on relationships and seduction in the world today. A regular media commentator, he has been widely featured in the international press. Zan is the founder of the Ars Amorata philosophy–a celebration of the art of seduction, the rebirth of romance today, and a lifelong quest for beauty and adventure. He is also a co-founder of the Amorati network of men. Zan divides his time between Canada and Romania. Zan shared his thoughts with me on the biggest problems with relationships today. I loved our radio interview! I hope you enjoy the highlights of our interview.  (more…)

Share this!

How Social Media Impacts Real Relationships

Posted by on August 13, 2014 in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

how social media impacts your relationshipsA recent radio guest, Jennifer Gardella, PhD, is a social media consultant dedicated to helping small business owners and personalities position themselves on the internet. She is the owner of Your Social Media Hour a website providing full social media support at a low price point. Jennifer is also the proud owner of NJ Divorce Mom where she shares her life experiences and musings as a single mom, raising three daughters and dating in the 40+ world. She met her “special someone” on an online dating site, and has a wealth of experience to share with listeners on Last First Date Radio. Working closely with me, Jennifer has honed her “woman of high value attributes” and approaches her life as wanting a romantic relationship – not needing one for fulfillment. Jennifer Gardella firmly believes that the “sign of any great relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.” While she may post the occasional picture or comment, the heart of the relationship is where she wants it to be, in the real world just between the two of them. Jennifer shared how social media impacts real relationships. Following are loosely transcribed highlights from our radio segment, The Effect of Social Media on Your Relationship. (more…)

Share this!

How Can I Get My Boyfriend Back?

Posted by on August 12, 2014 in breaking up with grace, online dating after 40, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

get my boyfriend backHi Sandy,

I’m 51 and have been dating online for about 4 years. I’ve met many quality men and had two serious relationships. The first lasted about a year. He is a very nice person and treated me well. He gave me a very nice birthday gift. But one week later, he wrote me this email:

“I don’t really think I am able to be in a relationship.  It just isn’t working.  I will never be the person you both deserve and will be happy with.  I thought we could get there, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I am so very, very sorry for my actions since you are one of the most giving, honest, kind people I have met.  Please forgive me for wasting your time and causing you the pain that I have”. 

The second man was someone I dated 7 times. Every time we saw each other, we were very happy. Then I hurt my right foot in a skiing accident. I had surgery and couldn’t walk or drive for 6 weeks. He came to my house and cooked me food. We slept together on those visits. I really like him. He called on his business trip and told me that he got a gift for me and would see me on Friday. On Friday, he texted me: (more…)

Share this!

Are You Too Busy for a Relationship?

Posted by on August 11, 2014 in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

too busy for a relationshipHi Sandy,

I tend not to read most of the emails I get due to the sheer volume in my inbox. Last week I read your email about the ‘busy’ woman. It is then that I realized that my match.com profile has the word busy in the first line of the profile. I’ve been on match this go round since Memorial Day weekend. They had a half price sale & I love a bargain. I was quite hesitant. The love of my life was supposed to be moving in by April 1 & around March 14 weekend, the relationship imploded. That was the last weekend I saw him. One & a half weeks later he stopped calling & no communication. It’s over. He vanished.

Needless to say I was heartbroken but I took advantage of the match.com sale. I really wasn’t interested & the few men who messaged me that I might even possibly be interested in did not reply to my emails. Whatever. Like I said, I wasn’t interested.

Time passed & I read your email about ‘busy’ & thought…..I’m ready. I edited that first line & BAM! A dozen men started contacting me. I’ve been messaging, texting & talking to one in particular. We will meet this week.

So this is my thank you. I’m still having moments of sadness about the being abandoned but I now feel excited to be in communication & starting the next dating journey. 

This busy woman is ready.

Thank you!

Sharon

(more…)

Share this!

Strategic Approaches to Starting New Relationships

Posted by on August 7, 2014 in dating after divorce, first date success, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

Emeka BronsonWith his extensive knowledge of attraction-based theories and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Emeka Bronson has thrived in successful collaborations with personal development firms like “The Art of Charm” and MTV’s hit “Keys to the VIP”.

Emeka has counseled men in the art of personal fulfillment and social mastery since 1999, and his expertise has been relied upon by various mainstream media outlets like CTV, Maxim Sirius Radio, MTV, E-Talk, 680 News, Fashion Television (City TV) and a slew of others. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of our interview on Last First Date Radio. (more…)

Share this!

Are You Settling In Your Relationship?

Posted by on July 31, 2014 in dating in midlife, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

are you settling in your relationshipsPicture this. You walk into a conference room and are told to find a seat. You choose a seat in the third row, and on that seat is a yellow spiral-bound notebook. You look around at the other seats. Some have blue notebooks, some red and some yellow. You think to yourself, “I hate yellow. I wish I had a blue notebook.”

The conference begins and the facilitator says, “If you don’t like the color of your notebook, trade with someone and get the one you want. You deserve to have everything in your life exactly the way you want it.”

How often do you feel that you don’t really get to choose exactly what you want, that you are settling in your relationships? What would your life be like if you had the mindset of deserving to have everything in your life exactly the way you want it?

(more…)

Share this!