Client Success: It All Starts With Self-Love…

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

self love

 

Thank you to my client, Maureen, for allowing others to read about her amazing self-love transformation through my “Love Life Makeover” program. 

Maureen’s story

I divorced after a thirty-three year marriage and was ecstatic I could now be “me” again and was free to go in the direction of my heart. Within a year and a half, I had begun online dating, and eventually met a man I was sure was a good match for me. I found, however, that I would need to leave the relationship about every six weeks. I began having serious doubts about myself and since I had never been one to leave a commitment, I really didn’t understand my own behavior. Why was I running away from what seemed like a great relationship?

I knew all the right words but couldn’t express my feelings (or even identify them!) or make my actions match my words and feelings. It seemed everything else in my life was wonderful…I loved my job, friends, activities…so why was this part of my life so hard and awkward? I wanted what he offered and yet, I couldn’t accept it. I heard, “You’re beautiful”, “You’re smart”, “You make my life better” but just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t figure out what was “wrong” with me, much less, how to fix it.

When he finally decided he could no longer take the “yoyo” relationship, he told me I needed some reflection time and would be happy and complete when I figured out what I wanted. After spending my winter break in full despondency mode, I began looking for information online, read every blog I could find, reviewed books, and watched online relationship instructional videos. I knew I needed a mentor, someone who had been through this and could see from the outside where I was in this journey.

The self-love journey begins…

Enter Sandy, a kind, compassionate, wise soul. After talking with her, I knew she was a great match for me. I jumped in wholeheartedly to push myself out of my box. Our weekly calls were a lifesaver for me and kept me sane and focused while I grew inside in fits, starts, and bursts. I was exposed to new ways of thinking, responding, new strategies, and books that opened my eyes.

I learned I had spent my life fixing, well, trying to fix, others and just wore my emotional self out because it’s an impossible task! I focused on noticing my own triggers and practicing new responses. I’ve had so many “aha!” moments, I’ve stopped keeping track of them!

I began to trust myself, others, and the universe and to be open and accepting of others and events. My life began to change as I learned to identify my boundaries and how to negotiate and share feelings kindly but firmly with others.

I now have a view of myself and life that I’ve never had before.

I’ve always been a positive person, but mostly positively sure I could either fix or help everyone. Now, my life is so expansive, open, accepting, curious, and loving in the present moment, as virtually any situation that arises.

I created “confidence” cards from the new wisdom and carry them with me always.

They give me gentle reminders of boundaries, attachment, trusting, accepting, values, authenticity, self-compassion, and expectations. It’s like carrying a tiny Sandy with me! My “angel” keeps my gremlin in check and allows light in places that haven’t seen light in decades. I’ve become myself but a bigger, grander version. I’m still opening up and growing and at times, it feels as though I barely have time in my day for a sad thought. I find myself smiling randomly and overcome with happiness and gratitude.

Since my coaching with Sandy, I’ve put to rest a relationship where I felt less than “me”, gone on several fun and “interesting” first dates, and even bought a house!

I know I’m ready to move on and am creating the life that feels uplifting and authentic to me. I’ve learned to listen to advice and take what I need from it. I’ve shared with others parts of my journey and a number of friends are now on similar paths. They have also begun reaching out for help and we support each other in positive ways, instead of complaining and agreeing that our lives are a daily struggle.

My biggest “aha!” moment was when I actually was able to put into action the idea of not attaching to the outcome.

The house buying process can definitely promote attachment, but I was able to walk away from those I was outbid on or were out of my range. I knew in my heart that it would all work out and the attachment just wasn’t there. I put the effort in, and the rest was out of my control.

I’m so excited to see what is next for me but don’t have the feeling I need to grab at straws, or men, just to complete my life.

I now have the confidence to reach out to others, whether it be male, female, young, old, and share their sorrows and joys. It’s easy for me to talk with strangers or dates without judging either myself or them. I’m not pining away for someone to rescue me from myself, but sharing myself with others.

A light inside has been turned on and I’m sharing the real me with the world! Thank you, Sandy, for being who you are and giving your gifts to those in need!

 

Wasn’t Maureen’s transformation incredible? I loved working with her. If you’d like to learn more about the Love Life Makeover Program, click here.

Photo: flickr/Danielle Elder

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