How to Disconnect from Toxic Relationships and Foster Healthy Ones
A life-altering car accident taught author David Chatfield how to disconnect from toxic relationships and inspired him to write a book on happiness.
After a life-altering car accident, author David Chatfield learned how to disconnect from toxic relationships. He gained greater clarity about how to live an authentically happy life. He shares his knowledge in his book, Taking Control: Cracking the Code to Happiness.
David Blake Chatfield began his career as an attorney and manager, representing global companies, music artists and producers, motion picture and television writers, producers, actors, and editors. He currently has his own law practice where he serves as General Counsel in several diverse companies, is the managing partner of The United Music Group, a partner in C & A Management, and owns Chatfield Entertainment.
I loved interviewing David on Last First Date Radio about How to Disconnect from Toxic Relationships and Foster Healthy Ones. You’ll find highlights of the show below.
How to Disconnect from Toxic Relationships
What was your motivation to write this book?
When my daughter went to college in Northern California and had trouble adjusting to the colder weather, getting out of bed and feeling motivated, I began posting inspiring messages to motivate her on Facebook. She began to feel better, and I began hearing from many others about how inspired they were by my posts. Each chapter in my book is designed around one of those posts. After the book was published, I started getting messages from people about how the book was changing people’s lives, helping them get into better relationships.
What does “cracking the code” mean?
Cracking the code means that in order for someone to be happy, they need to know a few key things. It’s a little like cracking the code to a safe. It’s one step at a time. Inside the safe is happiness. It’s not a secret, but it’s something that people need to understand and do, one step at a time.
Can you share some of the secrets of Cracking the Code?
Chapter one is about living with integrity. In order to create strong lasting relationships, you have to keep commitments with yourself first. That way, you’ll also keep them with everyone else, building trust.
I write about how to create happy and healthy relationships. The first thing is to eliminate disappointments by accepting yourself as you are, and then accepting others the way they are. Don’t go into a relationship hoping someone will change.
If someone is an ‘energy vampire’, get rid of them. As soon as you do, more positive people will come to you. A space opens up for positive and fulfilling relationships.
Also, take risks. When you don’t take a risk, there’s no possibility of a reward. You might get hurt, but let go of the fear and give way to trust that they’ll accept you for who you are. Look inward and see if you’re over-protecting yourself because of past pain.
Write down the qualities you’d like to have in a mate so you recognize them when they come, especially when they show up in a surprise package! Most people spend more time planning to buy a car than planning to attract in a mate.
When did you realize that you had toxic relationships that negatively impacted your life?
After the car accident and my triple concussion, I lost a lot of my memory. It was like when the hard drive on a computer is wiped clean. My intuition became crystal clear, and I could tell when talking to someone that they were good or bad for me. If I had a stomach ache, I knew that person wasn’t good for me. All the people that drained my energy and involved me in their dramas; I walked out and get rid of them. No part- time friends. It has to be 100%. With family members, you can limit your time with them.
What’s an important message that you want people to take away from your talk today?
Communicate your feelings with your mate. Don’t put that off. Be considerate. And if you love someone, tell them. Don’t wait.
To listen to the episode, click here.
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