Do I Have to Make Him Chase Me?

Posted by in dating a dangerous man, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

Rachel writes that the man she’s been seeing is moody and angry. “Do I have to make him chase me?” Here’s how to know when it’s time to walk away.

Hi Sandy,

I’ve been seeing a man for over a year. We met online over a year ago. However, we had never met in person until recently. Over the course of the year, he would call every day or text. Sometimes late at night, too. We would talk for hours. However, since we met, things have changed drastically, and I have seen that he’s very moody. For example, sometimes he won’t contact me at all, he gets angry easily, usually while talking on the phone. I’m the one that makes time for us. We never would have met if it were not for me. Yes, we’ve had sex. After a year of phone conversation, we both wanted to spend time together. He tells me he wants no drama from me. I know pretty much what you’re going to say but, even though he’s grown on me, do I have to make him chase me?

I’d appreciate any advice. 


Do I Have to Make Him Chase Me?


Hi Rachel,

There are many things wrong with this so-called relationship. You ask, “Do I have to make him chase me?” Making him chase you is NOT the answer. Here are a few major issues:
  • You had sex before being exclusive.
  • He liked you up until he had you.
  • He’s moody and angry. And he doesn’t want drama from you?
Moodiness IS drama. Someone who’s quick to anger is filled with drama. And he takes no responsibility for his emotions, projecting them onto you as if you’re the problem.
This is something I posted in my private Facebook group, and I think you’ll benefit from reading it.


Look for signs that a man is relationship-ready, someone worth staying with for the long haul. And learn to quickly recognize the red flags of a man so you can walk away with your dignity intact.


4 Red Flags. Signs He’s Not a Good Guy and You Should Walk Away

1. He comes on too strong at the beginning. This is the ‘love bomber’. He’s over the top with compliments and affection and wants you to be exclusive with him before you’re ready. I once dated a man who told me I was ‘the one’ on our first date. Um…No!

2. He’s inconsistent. This is a man who blows hot and cold. He says one thing and does another. (For example: He promises another date but doesn’t follow through. Or someone who’s bread-crumbing, which is a term used in dating that represents the person who’s giving you just enough attention to keep you hanging in.)

3. You feel good when you’re with him, but not when you’re apart. He charms you when you’re with him. He kisses you, makes love to you, compliments you. But when you’re apart, you don’t hear from him. You’re anxious, not sure where you stand.

4. He never introduces you to his friends/family. This is the guy who keeps you a secret all to himself. He doesn’t integrate you into his life.


4 Green Flags. Signs He’s Into You and Could Be a Keeper

1. You feel good when you’re together and apart. He’s attentive when you’re together, and he keeps in touch when you’re apart. You get a sweet ‘good morning’ text. He calls after work. He makes another date and can’t wait to see you. You are confident that he’s into you.

2. He respects your boundaries. This is critical for a healthy relationship. You are comfortable stating your needs, and he respects them. He doesn’t make fun of you for being sensitive about an issue. He talks it through with you. He’s willing to wait until you’re ready for sex and doesn’t push you.

3. You can be yourself with him, and he doesn’t try to change you. He likes you for who you are. He is in love with your geekiness, your quirks, and your imperfections. He doesn’t tell you to lose ten pounds, get botox injections, or get a haircut. He likes YOU.

4. He makes an effort to consistently move the relationship forward. From first email to first phone call. From first date to seeing each other weekly, talking daily, being exclusive…There is forward movement. You know he’s interested in escalating the relationship.

Please value yourself enough to recognize that this man is not good for you. It’s not about you morphing into someone you’re not in order to make him fall for you. That never works!

He will not chase you. He’s not making an effort at all, is he? Just enough to dangle a few bread crumbs and keep you interested.

I suggest you walk away, and establish a clear must-have list for the future. If you need help with that or any other aspect of dating as a woman of value, you can set up a time to talk with me and learn how coaching can help you be the woman of value who attracts a quality man.

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