How to Move on After Divorce Without Bitterness or Regret

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Check out my interview with Laura Richardson on Last First Date Radio about how to move on after divorce…without bitterness or regret.

Laura Richardson has been a licensed attorney in Texas for thirteen years, with a primary focus on family law.

In 2015, she transitioned from Lawyer to Life Coach. Her mission is to help clients find alternative solutions to their ongoing problems with their ex that are faster, less expensive, and more satisfying than going directly to the courthouse.

As a Certified Advanced Mediator, Ms. Richardson seeks to help people who are on both sides of the table feel like they had a fair chance to participate in shaping an agreement on how they move forward.

I interviewed Laura on Last First Date Radio about how to move on after divorce…without bitterness or regret. Check out highlights of our show below.

How to Move on After Divorce Without Bitterness or Regret

Please share your experience with a breakup or divorce that led you to be so passionate about this work.

My parents divorced when I was very young. I met my ex when I was 17. We got married a year after law school, and we were married for 19 years. So, I know what it’s like to [experience divorce growing up and my own] divorce. As an attorney, I also knew what to expect, and it made things a little easier for me.

Eventually, I thought I could serve my clients better as a life coach.

I did have some regret about my marriage, but I didn’t recognize it for what it was at the start. I had people who mentored me, and I had an awakening and started to do the hard work with people I trusted.

They loved me unconditionally. I was able to separate myself from what was going on and look at it from a bigger picture. When I filed for divorce, I felt I had done a lot of the work to make the process easier. When my ex was acting out, I didn’t internalize it. Believing in the best for him carried me over the mountain!

How do you set the groundwork for removing bitterness and regret after a breakup or divorce?

  • The first thing you need to do is get it settled in your heart that the relationship is really over.
  • You need to understand why you made the choices you did to end up where you are today.
    • What influenced us as children that shaped our views about relationships and marriage?
    • Having this understanding helps us guard against history repeating itself in our lives.
    • Leads to us forgiving ourselves for bad choices.
    • Leads you to forgive the adults in our lives who might have failed us in our childhood.

       

What do you recommend that people do if their ex is acting out against them?

  •  Don’t feed into the drama.
    • especially if they are constantly threatening to take you back to court or threatening to quit their job (trying to find ways to injure you financially).
    • It only encourages them to continue.

 

What are the steps for moving on after a breakup and healing?

  • See your ex for who he or she truly is.
    • Look at them through the lens of what they have struggled with emotionally in their lives that may have contributed to the breakup and/or their behavior now, especially if you have to co-parent with them.
  • Sincerely forgive your ex
    • speak words of life and encouragement over them
    • say what you want to see from your ex/say what how you want your ex to behave toward you
    • operate in the opposite spirit (if you feel like cursing them out, say something positive about your ex)
    • this might include some counseling (it did for me)
  • Bitterness and regret aren’t worth it
    • the toll it takes on your body and mind
    • it takes a lot of energy to stay angry
    • it releases bad chemicals in your body that effect your immune system and ages you prematurely (Cortisol)
  • Staying bitter and angry gives your ex power over you
    • the time spent thinking about your ex in an unhealthy way
    • it controls your 
  • Don’t fall into the trap of being embarrassed about who your ex chooses to be right now
    • you can’t control him/her
    • it’s no longer a reflection of you (you’re not a couple anymore)
    • let go!

Aren’t these wonderful tips for moving on after a breakup or divorce?

To listen to the entire episode, please click here. There are over 200 archived shows you can listen to or download for free anytime!

Or you can listen on iTunes, where I’d be so grateful for you to take a few minutes to subscribe, rate and review the show. That would help our show grow in popularity, so I can reach even more people and help them have happy healthy relationships.

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