How Do I Deal With a Deadbeat Dad?

deadbeat dadDear Sandy,

I have a 14-month old baby girl with a man who left when she was only 6-weeks old. I wouldn’t agree with him on certain things, and he was hurtful, cruel, and very vindictive. He came back when she was 6-months old. But now he’s moved out and left me with the baby again to chase success and the millions he says he’s going to make. Of course he blamed the parting on me. I now know better than that. I know now that this is a good thing, but I’m so sad for our daughter. Before he left, he admitted that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and ADD. He has no compassion nor empathy. How do spend the next 18 years dealing with him coming in and out of our life? I tried being kind and nice so we wouldn’t fight. I even asked him to sign over his right to her so I wouldn’t have to go back and forth with him, but of course he said no. How do I deal with a deadbeat dad for the next 18 years?

Thank you,


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How Can I Get My Boyfriend Back?

get my boyfriend backHi Sandy,

I’m 51 and have been dating online for about 4 years. I’ve met many quality men and had two serious relationships. The first lasted about a year. He is a very nice person and treated me well. He gave me a very nice birthday gift. But one week later, he wrote me this email:

“I don’t really think I am able to be in a relationship.  It just isn’t working.  I will never be the person you both deserve and will be happy with.  I thought we could get there, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I am so very, very sorry for my actions since you are one of the most giving, honest, kind people I have met.  Please forgive me for wasting your time and causing you the pain that I have”. 

The second man was someone I dated 7 times. Every time we saw each other, we were very happy. Then I hurt my right foot in a skiing accident. I had surgery and couldn’t walk or drive for 6 weeks. He came to my house and cooked me food. We slept together on those visits. I really like him. He called on his business trip and told me that he got a gift for me and would see me on Friday. On Friday, he texted me:

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The Cost of Staying With a Toxic Bad Boy

toxic bad boyThe sex might be off-the-charts, but the toxic bad boy may break your heart. Don’t let him.

“Jane” is working with me to get over an abusive ex-boyfriend. They broke up a year ago, and she can’t stop thinking about Mr. Toxic Bad Boy. The sex was hot. She fell in love quickly. He came on strong at first, and then dropped her like a hot potato when she began to express what she needed in the relationship. She was left with a broken heart.

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Is It Ever OK To Have Sex With An Ex?

sex with an exThis morning, I woke up to this exciting email:


I just had to share the good news – what a fantastic way to start my day. Your article was picked up by BuzzFeed, and has been shared from sites like The Chive, and Essence! This is huge, so we are going to continue to promote the piece and keep an eye on it. Very well done! 

Rochelle, YourTango Associate Experts Editor

Yay! It’s such an honor to have a post go viral. Here’s an excerpt from that article about whether you should have sex with an ex.

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Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?

reunite with exHi Sandy,

I’m really struggling here. My ex and I went out for 2 years, it didn’t get serious until about a year or more in. Last year, he dumped me about 9 times. Every time we had a disagreement or argument (caused by him), he would end it saying it’s not working and I deserve better and he didn’t want to hurt me. Then he would come back apologizing profusely, saying he didn’t want to lose me. Finally in June this year, when we were due to move in together, he left our hotel room when I was in the shower and flew home. He later contacted me, saying he would always love me but felt he was too young (he’s 24, I’m 28). 

He got back in touch 4 months later begging to see me again. I got back with him for about 6 weeks before he dumped me by text over a really stupid disagreement. He texted again saying sorry, none of it was my fault. He knows he’s got a problem, he’ll always have a special place for me in his heart and head, that he knows he’ll never find anyone as beautiful, special, kind, caring again, goodbye and wishes me the best in life. 

I worry he’ll be back in touch again. I love him so much and he told me he wanted to be with me forever. We had made all these plans. 

Do I forget all about him? Or do I get back together with my ex and try again?



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