A Tale of My Tinder Dates in Israel

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

On my recent three-week trip to Israel, I went on Tinder. I was curious. What is dating like here? Here’s the tale of my Tinder Dates in Israel!

I spent the last three weeks in Israel visiting my oldest daughter and her family. They moved to Israel last August, and I’m here to help my daughter take care of her delicious newborn and toddler girls. On my second day here, I decided to log into Tinder and see what dating in Israel is like. This is a tale of my Tinder dates in Israel, and how they compare and contrast with Tinder dating in New York/Connecticut back home.

A Tale of My Tinder Dates in Israel

Following are my general observations of Tinder dating in Israel:

 

1. The first thing I noticed was that Israeli men are good looking! That Mediterranean tall dark and handsome look made for some nice eye candy. As a woman dating in the 50s-60s age range, many American men on Tinder aren’t aging is well as their Israeli counterparts. This was a pleasant surprise.

2. Israeli men are more straightforward. They state in their profiles how many years they’re divorced or widowed, whether their kids are grown, and what they’re looking for in a relationship. I like the honesty. It’s refreshing.

3. Then men I met on Tinder wanted to talk on the phone and meet quickly. Again, I found this refreshing. I am not interested in getting to know a man via text. It’s a lousy way to learn about your potential date. Dating apps are for meeting and dating. Not texting for weeks or even months and not meeting. I’m of the belief that it’s important to get down to it and see if there’s a connection! Apparently, the men I connected with on Tinder felt the same way.

4. Israeli Tinder men did not bring up sex or objectify me. I LOVE that. With Tinder in New York/Connecticut, I received many invitations for sex or kink—in a first or second message. No thank you. I’m searching for a true connection, and the Israeli men I met on Tinder were respectful of me. They saw me as a whole woman, not the sum of my body parts. Woo hoo!

5. I didn’t find a single profile pic of a man holding a fish! There were photos of men in the gym, traveling, smoking, having coffee, and a few cars and motorcycles. But no fish pics!! Double woo hoo!

 

 

I had about 15 matches on Tinder and narrowed it down to the top three.

 

Here’s how my Tinder dates went down:

Date #1: Mr. Kind and Evolved

“E” contacted me first. He wrote that he speaks English pretty well and would like to chat. We talked and decided to meet for breakfast at one of the best French bakeries in Israel. Yum! I had a chocolate croissant. He had something more savory. After breakfast, we took a walk and talked about some pretty deep stuff. He’s taken some courses in the metaphysical and has taken responsibility for his share in past failed relationships. That’s one of my must-haves.

A retired civil engineer, he’s smart, interesting, and kind. His 12-year relationship ended only two months ago, and he’s interested in finding a girlfriend. We were supposed to meet again, but it didn’t work out.

Final analysis: If we lived closer, I’d be interested in getting to know “E” better. We agreed to stay in touch, and I may contact him when I return to Israel.

Date #2: Mr. Sweet and Stuck

“N”, a mechanical engineer, also contacted me first. During our first phone call, he asked what I was looking for in a man. I told him my must-haves, and he laughed and said, “It’s your lucky day! You’ve found the perfect man!” He told me he hoped our souls would connect on Sunday night when we were scheduled to meet at a local restaurant. A romantic. Sweet!

He kissed my hand when we met, a lovely gesture. Unfortunately, because it was a national holiday, all restaurants had closed at sundown, so we took a walk instead. We found a park and sat and talked for an hour or two. “N” is a good-hearted man who’s had a string of toxic relationships with bossy controlling women. I was turned off by his victim mindset about why nice guys finish last and why Israeli women are all seeking a man who’s rich.

He was wondering why he seems to always attract the same type of woman. Why can’t he find a good woman? Coincidence? I said, “Do you really want to know why you keep attracting the same type of woman?” He said, “Yes, please tell me!”

“Which of your parents did you have the most difficult relationship with?” I asked.

“My mother,” he answered without hesitating.

“Well, you’ll keep dating women who have your mother’s negative character traits until you heal that relationship within yourself. We subconsciously try to repair our relationship with our most difficult parent through our partnerships. That’s why we choose partners who are wrong for us, and we try to fix them. It doesn’t work. But, once we heal from within, we no longer have the need or desire to choose partners who resemble our parents. We choose healthy partners for healthy relationships.”

I don’t usually coach the men I date, but I knew I’d never see “N” again, and he asked me why I thought this pattern was occurring again and again. I wanted to contribute to his life in a positive way. I believe he’s a man with good intentions, and if he goes to a good therapist, he could end up in the best relationship of his life.

Final analysis: Good guy, not for me. If he does go through therapy, he will have much better luck in love.

 

Date #3: Mr. I Have No Choice

“Y” and I met for coffee on a Friday morning. He is a widower, and has raised his two children alone for the past 7 years. He’s an older dad to teens and told me he has no one to support him. He kept saying, “I have no choice!” My radar goes up when someone uses those four words. I believe we’re always at choice.

He owns a business installing window treatments. He makes a good living and works by himself. He cooks, cleans, and works hard long days. A sweet guy, he lives a very simple life. I’m all for simplifying life, but the fact that he has never traveled outside of Israel felt a little too small for my taste. He hasn’t even taken his kids to see where he grew up an hour north of where he lives. “I have no choice. I have no time.”

He was a bit of a hot mess. He came ten minutes late, because he couldn’t find parking. He wore work clothes and apologized, asking if I was angry at him. I’m not his mom, and he can dress however he likes, but if I am meeting someone for the first time, I try to look my best.

He wore hearing aids, and his batteries ran out within the first five minutes of our date, so I’m not sure how much of our conversation he heard. I did get a chance to practice my Hebrew for an hour, which I enjoyed. Out of the three men I dated, he was the only one who didn’t speak English, so it was good for me to improve my Hebrew skills.

Final analysis: Nice guy, but not for me. I hope he finds a lovely sweet simple woman. He deserves it. And his life will be so much richer with a woman to support him at home as he raises two teens without their mother.

 

Did I find love on my Tinder Dates in Israel?

No, I didn’t find love, but I did enjoy my Tinder dates and the whole experience of Tinder dating in Israel. When I was eighteen, living here during my gap year, I went on one date with an Israeli man. He took me to the movies, and I kept swatting his wandering hands. This experience left me with the impression that Israeli men are only interested in sex.

My current dating experience busted every stereotype I had of Israeli men.

What I learned:

  1. Be open to new experiences and meeting men wherever you go. You never know when or where you’ll meet someone special.
  2. Date with an open mind. You’ll have a lot more fun and be far less disappointed when your expectations are not met.
  3. Dating is a journey. You will learn about yourself and men on every date. This experience is invaluable.

If you’re a woman over 40, struggling with dating online or offline, I can help. Let’s set up a complimentary 1/2 hour Find Epic Love session.

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Have you ever dated while traveling in another country? Please share your comments below.

 

 

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