10 Tips to Help You Find Lasting Love

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

lasting loveWhat’s the key to finding lasting love? Will you recognize true love when you find it?

Are you willing to take a leap of faith in the name of lasting love? What is the key to pure, genuine love and emotional intimacy? The secret to building a strong romantic relationship is a blend of feelings and emotions; attraction, respect, adoration, trust, and more. That’s because lasting love is an art AND a science. 

10 Tips to Help You Find Lasting Love

 

  1.   LEARN TO TRUST AGAIN

When you’re over 40, it can be hard to open your heart to love again. You might keep yourself so busy with work and friends, you don’t make time for love. You want a partner, but you’re scared. What if you get hurt? You date, but your heart is closed. You don’t reveal your authentic self, and you don’t want to leave your comfort zone.

The paradox is, if you want a relationship, you will need to learn to trust again. Don’t just open your heart up and trust every man you date. First, discover why your past relationships didn’t work out. Learn which men to avoid and which will be a better partner.

Trust comes from strengthening who you are on the inside first. Only then can you open yourself to the men you date and allow them to know the real you. In the name of love, it’s important to be vulnerable, to share the true you with the right men, which could lead to lasting love.

 

  1.   DON’T BAIL WHEN THERE’S CONFLICT

A healthy relationship is bound to have conflict. It’s human nature to not agree on everything. In fact, you need polarity for attraction. Our differences draw us to one another.

So, don’t bail at the first argument. Assess the situation before even getting into a fight. Do talk to each other if there’s any conflict. Seek to understand each other and talk things out.

Everyone has disagreements. It’s up to you to decide whether it’s time to leave or communicate more clearly to make things better.

 

  1.   CONNECT ON A MIND, BODY, AND HEART LEVEL

For a relationship to last, you must balance your mind, body, head, and heart.  Go into relationships with your eyes wide open, and don’t allow your emotions to steer your ship.

At the same time, don’t allow your mind to do all the decision-making in a relationship. When you’re too analytical, you take the life out of a relationship.

It’s a balance mind, heart, and soul. You need attraction, an intellectual connection, a shared world-view, and an emotional connection for lasting love.

 

  1.   DITCH THE JUDGMENT

If you want to find lasting love, stop harshly judging your romantic partners. When you stop focusing on their flaws and turn your focus instead to the good, you will build more good will in your relationship.

Relationship expert, John Gottman, says that a healthy relationship has a 5:1 ratio of positive vs. negative. When the focus is on the positive, you will have more reserves to deal with the occasional negativity that inevitably pops up from time to time.

Most judgment for others begins with our own self-criticism. Begin by working on your self-judgment. Quiet the saboteur voices in your head, and you’ll soon have more compassion and understanding for your partner. You can find a great resource, Taming Your Gremlins, here in my website.

 

  1. TEAM WORK

A thriving, supportive relationship consists of two separate entities coming together as a team. In a healthy relationship, you are interdependent, meaning you each have separate interests, and you come together as a team for activities and important decisions.

A co-dependent relationship is about compromising what’s important to you for the other. That’s not healthy. Instead, focus on team work for all the important stuff, and continue to live vibrant amazing lives on your own as well. That’s what leads to lasting love.

 

  1.   BE SUPPORTIVE OF ONE ANOTHER

It’s important to be supportive of your partner’s dreams and goals. A relationship won’t last if there’s constant criticism or you don’t believe in the value of your partner’s passions/goals.

It’s also crucial to support one another through the tough times. A sign of a truly wonderful relationship is when you SHOW UP for each other when times are tough. That will solidify the bond you already have.

 

  1.   CELEBRATE YOUR DIFFERENCES

A healthy lasting relationship is strengthened by our differences. Many women who come to me say they want a clone of themselves in a partner. Trust me, you really don’t want your clone. You’d get bored. Life would be annoyingly predictable, wouldn’t it? And any flaws you have would be so much more irritating if they showed up in your partner!

Don’t seek your clone. Seek out a partner who has complimentary values and character traits but is different enough to keep things interesting. A healthy lasting relationship thrives with mutual teaching and learning. Viva la difference!

 

  1.   NO MORE ASSUMPTIONS!

Henry Winkler said, “Assumptions are the termites of relationships”. They eat away at our relationships until things implode or explode. Instead of making assumptions, get curious. Assumptions are based on how YOU see the world. Find out how HE sees the world by asking questions.

 

  1.   PRIORITIZE TIME TOGETHER

If you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to ditch date night. It’s easy to take one another for granted. DON’T.

Intimacy is one of the keys to lasting love. Make time for each other. Do it on a daily basis, even if it’s only a short check-in about your partner’s day. Your love life has to be nurtured. The more attention you give one another, the more your love will grow.

 

  1. R.E.S.P.E.C.T

What’s the #1 key to lasting love? RESPECT. In every marriage or relationship that doesn’t work, respect is missing. If you want lasting love, respect yourself first, and then respect your partner.

No matter what obstacles you may face in a relationship, respect and kindness are always possible. Even when your angry. Especially when you’re angry.

Don’t be reactive when feelings are hurt. Take a breath, learn good confrontation skills, practice healthy boundaries, and your relationship will thrive.

 

Which of these ten tips resonated most with you? Please share your thoughts below.

 

 

 

 

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