13 Steps to Overcome Neediness in a Relationship

Posted by in dating after divorce, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

neediness in a relationshipYesterday, I started an interesting conversation on my Facebook page. I posted a video of Wall Street Journal reporter Gwendolyn Bounds speaking with a couple whose marriage was almost destroyed by the husband’s neediness. I can totally relate to what a turnoff neediness can be in a relationship. Can you? If I’m dating a guy and he starts to become clingy or needy, I can’t get away fast enough. One of my readers wrote that she used to be very needy in relationships, and quickly realized she had to change that pattern in order to attract a healthier relationship post-divorce. She shared with me that she stopped dating and is focusing on healing for now. How is she healing? Read on….

13 Steps to Overcome Neediness in a Relationship 

Want a healthy, happy relationship? Start with the one you have with yourself. Self-love and self-care are at the core of becoming a happier, more independent person. When you’re ready to date again, you’ll be whole, not needy. Following are the basic steps my reader is taking to heal. I think she’s doing a stellar job of taking care of herself and her needs. Notice how she takes full responsibility for her part in past relationships. Her goals are doable and resonant. She surrounds herself with positive people and is taking small consistent steps daily, often out of her comfort zone. These are all steps that I help my clients with, too, so they can overcome neediness in their relationships.

  1. Reading a lot of self-help books
  2. Attending support groups
  3. Following pages on Facebook that keep me going in a positive direction
  4. Making my “bucket list” and then setting small goals to work towards each one (or weed out the ones I’m not willing to work towards): Writing a published piece of work, traveling, learning to ballroom dance
  5. Break down my bucket list items: Step 1: look up # to ballroom dance place. Step 2: call and find out times/prices. Step 3: budget for it, step 4: sign up
  6. Developing peaceful daily rituals that are meaningful to me (a cup of coffee/tea while watching the sun rise, writing in my journal, going for walks on the beach, sitting by the river)
  7. Making new friends who mirror the life I want to lead now
  8. Learning to listen to and respect my body, mind and spirit (eat when I’m hungry, rest when I’m tired, pray or meditate when I’m frazzled and so on)
  9. I’m also following your page and a few other dating coaches so I can learn how to do things better next time, because I know that I contributed to my failed relationships as did my failed partners. Obviously there was a reason we chose one another.
  10. Learning to lighten up and be easier on myself … learning to embrace being alone with myself and love myself from the inside out (I didn’t realize how much being in a relationship defined me until I was divorced).
  11. Getting out and doing things in my community, even if it’s going to the library or coffee shop, just forcing myself to NOT always be a homebody.
  12. Practicing smiling and saying hello to people on the street.
  13. Focusing on myself, but practicing being approachable.

Have you been needy in your past relationships? If so, what steps have you taken to overcome neediness in a relationship? Join the conversation.

For more midlife dating advice and a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” click here.

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