20 Success Tips for Finding Love After 40

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

finding love after 40

I’ve gathered the 20 best tips for finding love after 40…

There’s so much conflicting advice out there for finding love after 40, how do you make sense of it all? Do you listen to your best buddy? Your mom, dad, sister, brother? Which dating experts have solid advice, and which confuse you even more?

I’ve been coaching for ten years. My dating philosophy comes from many places; The Coaches Training Institute, where I trained and became certified, and the experts I’ve interviewed for the past four years on my radio show, Last First Date Radio.

I’ve learned from the multitude of relationship and dating books I’ve read, from my dating experience post-divorce, and from my beloved clients, who’ve taught me as much as I’ve taught them (if not more).

I’ve learned from the multitude of relationship and dating books I’ve read, from my dating experience post-divorce, and from my beloved clients, who’ve taught me as much as I’ve taught them (if not more).

I also learned so much from other dating coaches and therapists, those whose wisdom influenced me and inspired many of the tips I’m sharing with you today.


Special thanks to:

  • David Steele of the Relationship Coaching Institute, who taught me the value of being the chooser in a relationship, not waiting to be chosen.
  • Matthew Hussey, author of Get the Guy, who taught me the importance of being a high value woman and setting clear boundaries with men. (Same goes for men who value themselves).
  • Evan Marc Katz, who taught me many things, especially the importance of not putting people on a pedestal, because you can only look down on them.
  • My good friend and colleague, Bobbi Palmer, who taught me how to prepare for a first date and so much more.
  • I am also grateful to Alison Armstrong, Dr. Pat Allen, and LiYana Silver, who have helped me understand feminine and masculine energy and how they play out in relationships. They’ve also shared the secrets to how women and men can communicate most effectively in relationships.

To all these coaches and therapists and many others I haven’t mentioned—you have helped me become the coach I am today, helping women over 40 know their value, communicate with grace and power, and attract their best partner. Dating after 40 has some unique challenges, such as carrying around additional baggage and balancing parenting and dating.

There are many advantages to dating after 40, too.

We know what matters and can focus on the big stuff, not the minutiae.

We hopefully know ourselves better. We know what we don’t want and do want in a relationship. We know what matters most, and can focus on the big stuff, not the minutiae. And we’re truly capable of rich, wholehearted love, the best kind there is!


20 of My Best Tips for Finding Love After 40


  1. Date a few people at a time until you’re ready to become exclusive with one.

  2. When words and action don’t align, pay more attention to actions.

  3. The three most important elements of a partner are kindness, consistency, and character.

  4. Don’t make assumptions about your date. Learn about your date by getting curious.

  5. Don’t bring your past relationships to your present relationship or date. See each person as a clean slate.

  6. When a person first reveals him/herself to you, pay close attention. That’s when you learn most of what you need to know.

  7. If a woman has shown clear interest to a man on a first date, she doesn’t need to text the next day to remind him that they had a great date.

  8. Know your absolute must-haves in a relationship. Don’t sway from that list.

  9. If a woman wants a take charge man, she should stop making all the plans.

  10. You don’t need a perfect body and face to be attractive. Attraction is about confidence in who you and what you’ve got. Work it!

  11. Don’t invest more into a potential partner than they invest in you.

  12. Don’t put someone on a pedestal. They will only look down on you.

  13. Balance your heart and head, and enter a relationship with your eyes wide open. The character and values you see at the beginning are what you will get at the end.

  14. Women need to stop hoping they can somehow fix a man.

  15. Don’t waste time in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you.

  16. Don’t plan the future before there’s a present.

  17. Each date is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and about dating. Have fun and be present.

  18. As grandma said, every pot has a lid. Don’t give up hope.

  19. Your self-esteem is equal to the quality of the person you attract.

  20. Be the chooser. Don’t go into every dating thinking, “I hope he/she likes me.” Go in thinking, “I hope I like him/her.”


What do you think of these 20 tips for finding love after 40? Do you agree? Disagree? Do you have any tips to add to the list? Please share below.

Note: This post originally appeared in the Good Men Project


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