3 Key Differences Between the Sex Drives of Men and Women

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40 | 0 comments

How’s your sex life? When you understand the key differences between the sex drives of men and women, your sex life will improve. Learn how here.

NOTE: Today’s article is by sexologist, Maj Wismann one of the renowned relationship and sex life experts in Denmark. 

Yes – There is a difference between the sex drives of men and women.

Is the frequency of your sex drive a topic you discuss a lot? Today, you’ll learn about the difference between men’s and women’s sex drive. You can then use this new knowledge to improve your relationship – and your sex life!


3 Key Differences Between the Sex Drives of Men and Women


I once dated a guy who very briefly into our first date expressed that he wasn’t interested in women who won’t sleep with him if he doesn’t take out the trash or in other ways contribute to the domestic work.

Needless to say, I only saw him once more after that, because I definitely could not be the woman he wanted me to be.

The situation is a bit black/white, I admit, but his point was crystal clear. A woman’s sex drive shouldn’t be linked to the actual state of the relationship.

As a sexologist, one of my great interests is desire and lust in all its forms.

And if there is one thing studies continue to show, it’s how even though there are a lot of similarities between  the sex drives of men and women, there are also a whole heap of differences to what affects the sex drive – both positively and negatively.

Basically, we’re all born with the potential to become sexual beings, and most of us share a desire for intimacy and closeness. This is completely natural. But, men and women aren’t the same.

If you gather up 10 men or 10 women, you’d be able to hear their differences. If you’re aware of these differences, your sex life is WAY easier – and much less conflict-stained.

It’s really all about learning what affects the other person’s sex drive, isn’t it?

What turns you on? What makes you want to jump into bed with your partner? And vice versa. Has your desire for one another changed throughout the time you’ve been together?

Sexuality and intimacy are dynamic and will change throughout your lifetime.

Your sexual desire and what turned you on at 17-years-old is very rarely the same thing that turns you on as a 45-year-old. There was a time where French kissing was gross. I’ve very rarely met anyone in their 30s who still think this is true.

3 Key Differences Between the Sex Drives of Men and Women

(and how to have a successful relationship in spite of it)


Key #1: Studies show that women are more affected by psychosocial factors than men. Men are more controlled by hormones.

This basically means that there is a difference between what we react to when we’re about to sex things up.

If women have a bad experience during the day, are really busy or have a lot on their mind, chances are they’re not going to want to have sex.

Men aren’t like this. Generally speaking, of course. There’s the old story of how men are like dressers and they only pull out one drawer after closing the other. This is pretty accurate. A man can easily want to have sex despite having a bad day – even after she has told him about HER bad day. It’s just two separate drawers and when one opens, the other shuts. So no, he’s not a jerk because he can have sex after talking about something she finds incredibly frustrating. And no, she’s not being too sensitive when her reaction is to have a low libido when things are busy at work or there’s a snotty little kid at the day-care or her best friend has been diagnosed with cancer. The difference between how men and women react to these things are determined hormonally.


Key #2: Men are usually turned on quicker than women.

Women often need a bit of time to get things going. It’s a physiological thing – especially when you’re in a long-term relationship and out of the “being-in-love phase”.

Despite this difference, we’re similar in how we respond to touch, sounds, words, impressions, fantasies that turn us on. We might find that our partner is really good at turning us on quickly or the opposite might be true. It’s dynamic and there’s no doubt that there’s so much to gain if you enter this process with a curious mind and choose to explore what turns your partner on. You can learn so much about yourself, your own sexuality as well as your partners’. Please do remember though, there’s nothing “wrong with you” just because you don’t get turned on by your partner quickly – or slowly, for that matter. There’s no right or wrong here, none at all.


Key #3: Your sex drive is often parallel to how you are as a couple.

There can be different opinions on how you’re each experiencing the relationship. As I mentioned earlier, women have a tendency to hold onto things longer, and if they’ve had a bad day, they’re not very likely to be wanting to have sex as soon as they get home. The same thing actually applies to the relationship. If things aren’t great at home, for the women, it might mean that it’ll be inconceivable to her to take off her clothes and have a wild night between the sheets. The man, however, doesn’t think this way at all. Of course, there are differences between individuals.

If you have a partner who finds it easy to let the relationship troubles go and want sex despite a somewhat tense mood, and if you yourself can’t comprehend how anyone would want to have sex when things aren’t fantastic, it’s very important that you know and respect one another’s sex drive “triggers”. One isn’t better than the other. We’re just different.

You don’t even have to understand why your partner feels the way they do, you just need to respect that that’s how they feel.


What’s your biggest takeaway from this article? Please share in the comments below!

Author: Sexologist, Maj Wismann, one of the renowned relationship and sex life experts in Denmark. You can find more of her work here: majwismann.com


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.