3 Keys to Online Dating Success

Posted by in dating in midlife, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

online dating

Frustrated with online dating? Learn my 3 keys to finding love online.


Have you ever dated online? Most of my clients come to me to improve their online dating success.  They tell me that online dating sucks. Yes, online dating has a bad rap. The word on the street is it’s a cesspool for cheaters, liars, and losers.

While there are some unsavory people online, there are also unsavory people offline. It’s important to remember that there are many wonderful people online. Online dating is a fantastic tool for finding a wonderful person to date, especially if you’re over 40 and your social circles are fairly limited. In fact, it’s one of the most effective ways to find a lasting loving relationship. It doesn’t suck at all. I’ll show you how to succeed at online dating and separate the liars and losers from the people you want to date.

Three keys to online dating success

1. Maintain a Positive Attitude.

Sure, online dating can be very frustrating. You can email ten people and get a response from only one (or none). You can receive scores of winks and flirts and emails from creepy people.

You can go on first date after first date without meeting anyone you’d want to date again. Or you can meet a person with potential who doesn’t want to date you again.

As frustrating as it can be, online dating is a numbers game. You have to stay in it to win it. And your attitude about online dating matters a lot.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the most important (and often most difficult) thing to do is to maintain a positive attitude.

How do you maintain a positive attitude throughout the often frustrating online dating rollercoaster?

Live your best life. Learn to process and take responsibility for your emotions. An effective communicator is a hot commodity in a relationship.

Finding the right match will be the icing on the ‘cake’ of your wonderful life. When you’re at your best, you’re irresistible!


2. Market Yourself With an Outstanding Profile.

Your online dating profile is like your personal website. You know how important it is to engage someone who lands on your site? If it’s not compelling enough, people bounce off in a nanosecond. Same for your online profile. Every bit of space in that profile is valuable. And yet, so many people post sub-par profiles. If you work on improving your profile, you will be in the top 90% of all people dating online. You’ll definitely stand out from the crowd.

There are three basic components to the online dating profile: photos, username, and essay. People tend to screw up on all three.

Photos: Many people put up photos that are out of focus. Some don’t post any photos at all. Others post a photo with a pitcher of beer, or an ex cropped out of the photo, or (true story) a scanned license photo. Come on people! Give us your best shot.

Your photos are the first thing people see. Make a great impression by posting a variety of photos. Your main photo should be a close up. Studies have shown that women will attract the most attention if they’re wearing red in their profile photo. Take a few full body shots, because you don’t want any surprises on that first date. And take a few of you doing things you love. A glamor shot or two will help balance it out. How many photos total? Five or six works. Fifteen, not so much. You’ll come across as self-centered or desperate.

User name: When you sign up for a site, you get a member number, which is your default username. Don’t be lazy and use that as your user name. Again, this is a valuable place for you to make a great first impression. Make the best of it. Your username should be catchy and say something about you. Mine is SweetStrongSpicy. I wanted to give men a taste of a few different aspects of my personality.

I suggest you make a list of words that describe you, another list of things you like to do, and then put them together and see how they sound. A few favorites? ‘NoMoreFrogs’,  a name I came up with for a client who is ready to stop kissing frogs and find a husband, and JustHaven’tMetUYet, for a client who recently remarried because she met him!

What’s ineffective? Using your first name, such as WalkWithVince, and Donn85. You don’t want to give away your private information until you get to know and trust someone.

Profile essay. How would I describe most online profiles essays? Bland. Boring. Not unique. Again, it’s an ad about you. Describe yourself in the most specific terms. Most people start out saying, ‘writing about myself is awkward.’ Or ‘my friends think I’m handsome.’ NO! You’re wasting valuable space. And don’t list adjectives that describe you. Boring! Tell a little story. Show that you’re one-of-a-kind.

Here’s my essay:

I drive a stick shift and can operate power tools, but I’m a woman through and through. I have the creative soul of an artist – without the dark side and missing ear.

What does that mean for the man in my life? He won’t get bored. We can sing (even if we’re a little off-key) on spontaneous road trips to undiscovered destinations. He won’t be playing mind games, because I openly communicate what I want and need. I can be quite playful, and also enjoy deep conversations. My idea of bliss? Snuggling on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, a good film, and the right guy. 

I’m looking for a straight-shooter, a man whose actions and words match. I care more about his generous heart than the make of his car. He takes responsibility for his share in a relationship, and has the capacity to love with an open heart. He has a good relationship with friends and family and knows how to set healthy boundaries. I am attracted to a guy with an upbeat attitude, able to see the positive gains in life’s toughest challenges. And I want to laugh with you, so please be able to get silly at the right moments.

Oh, and one more thing; I can stand on my head. What’s your hidden talent?

Did you learn about me? Did you learn about the man I am seeking? As you can see, I’ve narrowed my net, and I attract more of the types of men I’m interested in.


3. Don’t Take it Personally.

If you write to someone and they don’t write back, the immediate conclusion is either

a) they’ve rejected you

b) they’re jerks

Rejection is a state of mind in the early stages of dating. A person can’t reject you if they don’t know you. So, remember it’s not personal, and don’t make assumptions about someone you don’t know.

Here are some other perspectives on why they didn’t write back:

a) He/she is not a paid member of the site. It’s not always obvious if someone is a paid member. Many people online like to browse online, even though they can’t read or respond to emails. It’s not personal if he/she can’t read or respond to your email.

b) He/she is getting 100’s of emails a day. A good-looking, tall, educated man is often inundated with emails. A gorgeous woman is usually getting more emails than she can handle. They may not be reading all of them, and are certainly not responding to them all. It’s not personal if he/she’s inundated with emails.

c) Your email wasn’t compelling enough. Capture his/her attention from the subject line to the email content. There is a bit of a science to how to write an irresistible email. I can help you with that. If you’re not writing the most captivating email, he/she might overlook you. But it’s not personal if you just haven’t captured his/her attention yet!

d) Your photos weren’t great. Men (and women) are visual creatures. You MUST post your best photos online in order to capture his/her attention. If you don’t have professional photos that show you in several attractive poses, at the very least get a friend to take some new photos and post them right away. The right photos can immediately turn around your online dating success rate. So, it’s not personal if your photos don’t best represent you.

e) Your online dating essay is ho-hum. If online dating is like your personal advertisement, would you buy a product with poorly written copy or bad photos? Why would a total stranger be lured in by a boring essay? I offer three online essay packages, if you would like me to write your essay for you. There is no excuse to NOT have a dynamite essay and thereby increase your online dating success. And as you can see, it not you, it’s your essay. It’s definitely not personal if your essay doesn’t have pizzazz.

If you have a positive attitude about online dating, put your best self forward through your essay, photos and username, and remember not to take anything personally, I think you’ll soon agree that online dating doesn’t suck at all. It’s one of the best ways for you to find your match. Now, get out there and date!


To grab a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” click here.

For exclusive tips, articles, and tools for dating, please ‘like’ my Facebook page.



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