3 Steps to Setting Clear Boundaries in Dating
Boundaries? Gotta have ’em! In this video, I share 3 steps to setting clear boundaries when you’re dating or in a relationship.
What are boundaries? I like to define them as a pink velvet rope, you know the kind they have in theaters? Their purpose is to keep the wrong people out and the right ones in. Boundaries are our emotional self-defense. They teach others how to treat us, and they keep us safe and sane.
Why do we have trouble setting clear boundaries?
We aren’t taught HOW. In our families, most of us didn’t have the best role-models.
And then there’s The Nice Girl Syndrome, where many of us are expected to be NICE—no matter what.
Many times when women set boundaries, they’re called BITCHY or SELFISH.
In this video, I share three steps for setting clear boundaries when you’re dating or in a relationship. These steps are based on a video I made a few years ago with my colleague and friend, Bobbi Palmer, and it includes information from both of us.
NOTE: Please excuse the uneven quality of the video. I filmed it during a Facebook Live for my Facebook Group, Your Last First Date. There were sound glitches, but the content was so important, I wanted to share it with you.
Step 1: Get clear on what you want/need in a relationship.
Know your must-haves and deal breakers. It’s so important to quantify this, so you can be prepared for a ‘no’ when something is a deal breaker.
Make a list of ‘I will’ and ‘I won’t’ for your personal dating boundaries.
Examples of Dating Boundaries List:
I will not sleep with someone until ________ happens.
I will not date men who show signs that they are controlling or unkind.
I will not date men who are financially irresponsible.
I will be open to dating ______ types of men.
I will be open to dating a man who lives ______ distance from me.
I will be open to dating men who are ______ years older/younger.
Step 2: Learn how to clearly and kindly set boundaries
Examples of clear boundaries:
No texting before getting to know someone.
Not being touched or kissed if you’re not ready.
Not staying on messaging if you don’t want to be a PenPal.
Meeting a first date in public, not private, especially not your home.
Ending the date when it’s going on too long.
Step 3: Observe What Happens Next
Setting boundaries will attract the right men into your life, and it will repel the wrong men. It’s ALL GOOD!
Want to learn how to set better boundaries? Join the Woman of Value Club! In April, our monthly master class is on How to Set Clear Boundaries in Dating and Relationships. The first month is only $7.