4 Tips to Become a Dating Optimist After Rejection
A few years back, my daughter had two friends sleep over. Most of their chatter centered around the topics of dating and marriage. As ultra-Orthodox Jews. their life goals included getting married at a young age. One friend was visiting from Florida and had been on several arranged dates over the past two weeks. This last guy seemed like he could possibly be ‘the one’.
Their third date was scheduled for Saturday night, and she was nervous not to jinx it. In this ultra-Orthodox world, the third date is the clincher. If you are seriously dating, you go beyond three dates. If not, this is the final date.
By Sunday morning, she was feeling pessimistic. She thought they were a good match, but he hadn’t spoken about a next date. She flew back home and anxiously awaited the matchmaker’s report.
Alas, the answer was ‘no’. Downtrodden, she felt defeated. There was nothing she wanted more than to be married. And yet, time and again, the answer was ‘no’. Why couldn’t she find the guy of her dreams? Was it her? Was it something she was doing to sabotage the date?
It could just be a bad match. Or, it’s possible that she was saying or doing something that turned men off. It could have been as simple as a negative statement, such as, “I would never live in New York City”. She might not have meant ‘never’, but living in New York was a must for him. So, bye bye!
Or maybe she was nervous and didn’t show her fun side. He thought she was boring, but he didn’t get to know the real her yet!
There could be a myriad of reasons why men or women don’t want another date. The challenge is to keep on going, to maintain self esteem after rejection, and to become a dating optimist.
4 tips to become a dating optimist after rejection
1. It’s usually not your fault. Most matches are not meant to be. You are both looking for someone special, not just anyone. It takes time and effort to sift through to your best match. Stay in the game. It’s a matter of time and effort before you meet your mate.
2. Sometimes it is something you said or did. It could be a misunderstanding. Try and find out if the guy was turned off by something you said or did. Perhaps he took your words out of context. This way you can be more aware for the next date. Don’t make absolute statements, such as ‘I never’ or ‘I always’. Be open and curious, not shut down and judgmental.
3. Keep on going. It’s important to not come undone after each bad date. Do something fun. Get together with friends. Be good to yourself. And then get back in the saddle and go on the next date. He’s out there somewhere, but you will never find him if you’re hiding in your room.
4. Be grateful. In order to move on in a healthy way, gratitude is key. Develop a gratitude practice. Notice the wonderful things in your life every day, in every moment. Appreciate the people in your life. If you like, make a list at the end of every day, citing the things that made you happy. Or call a good friend and chat about your gratitude list.
Become a dating optimist, and you will be more magnetic to the right person in your life.
Oh, and that friend of my daughter? She just had her first child with the love of her life! And she met him shortly after that ‘failed’ third date!
What do you do to stay optimistic after rejection? Please share below.
And remember, if you want to immediately turn around your online dating success, sign up here for my FREE report. Happy dating!