4 Traits to Look for in a Romantic Partner

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, love after 40 | 2 comments

traits to look for in a romantic partnerYou’re divorced, widowed, or recently broke up with someone. You’re ready to date again. But before you dive in head first, it’s important to know and understand what you want in a partner. You don’t want to get deeply into a new relationship only to find out you aren’t compatible in your values, habits and lifestyles.

If you understand what you want in a partner, you won’t waste as much time with the wrong partner. You won’t experience as much pain due to a breakup from a partner who wasn’t the right fit for you. To get you started, here are 4 must-have traits to look for in a romantic partner.





4 Traits to Look for in a Romantic Partner


1. Trust

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Without trust there is simply no reason for two people to spend time together, let alone build a life together. But how do you know if your partner is trustworthy?Dependability and reliability are two good indicators. For example, the schedule your partner keeps says a lot about him or her. If you know that your partner shows up for work every day and sticks to his or her daily, weekly or monthly engagements, you know that you can count on him or her to show up for your date and bigger life events down the road.

Being reliable and dependable in the smaller parts of life is also a good sign that he or she can be trusted. Trust breeds trust. The more you trust your partner, the more he or she will trust you. And when you both feel secure, you’ll be comfortable being more authentic and open. And you’re less likely to be plagued by jealousy and doubts.

2. Respect

Respect comes in many shapes and sizes. Find someone who respects your beliefs and values. This doesn’t mean your partner needs to agree with you all the time, but you should look for someone who can disagree with you respectfully and understand your point of view. Respect also comes in the way of your personal needs and eccentricities. Everyone has some, so find someone who respects you and loves you for those quirks.

3. Shared Vision

With a long-term partner, you must share your vision for the life you want. If you can’t agree on your goals or lifestyle, that person just isn’t for you. For instance, if you’re still raising kids and your partner doesn’t like children, it’s probably not a good match. If you have your heart set on retiring in Hawaii, but your date wants to stay in New York City, it would be hard to reach a mutually satisfying agreement. Or if you are a neat freak and your partner’s home is a huge mess which attracts unwanted pests, like bed bugs or cockroaches, you don’t want to spend your relationship being annoyed and trying to change him or her.

This means it’s important to talk with your partner about the future when you both feel ready. If you’ve only just started dating, you can still find out a lot about his/her lifestyle choices early on to save yourself from future heartache.

4. Support

Showing support for your partner includes communication, both through your body language and verbal communication. A supportive partner is able and willing to verbalize his or her feelings for you, but also knows when to give you space if you feel emotionally stifled. This person actively demonstrates a tenderness when you are low and meets you at the top when you are riding high on personal accomplishments. Your partner shares in your success and helps you solve problems, just as you do for him or her. The show of support must go both ways to create a healthy relationship.

If you find these 4 traits in a partner, you’re off to a great start. Make sure your needs are met with and without your partner, and you’re bound to have a joyful, fulfilling relationship.



  1. Great post, Sandy. I would also pre-frame any date with HONESTY, which happens to be very important to me….can’t have TRUST without HONESTY.

  2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, @patriotgirl. Yes, honesty builds trust. Absolutely. It’s especially important to be honest about sharing feelings and needs with one another.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.