4 Ways to Stay Positive While Dating
[VIDEO] If you find it hard to stay positive while dating, you’re not alone. Here are 4 super tips on becoming a dating optimist on your journey to true love.
Is it hard for you to stay positive while dating? For many people, dating can be frustrating. You go on first dates with men who lied about their age and bore you to death with endless stories about themselves. And then, you finally see someone online with potential. Nice looking, seems pretty ‘normal’, interesting, bright, and fun. You do a little happy dance. You start a conversation on Bumble or Tinder, Match or OkCupid. You exchange a few texts or emails, and then…radio silence. Argh!
Or, you go on a first date, and you have a great time. Conversation flows. You even make out at the end of the date. You agree to see each other again. And then…poof! He disappears. Oh no!
It’s natural to want to stop dating. There are obviously no quality people to date. And you’d rather be single than settle, right? Women get cats and men go to the gym or bar seven days a week.
Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. There really are wonderful quality people to date.
Don’t give up! The challenge is to keep on going, maintain your self-esteem, and stay positive. And if you put the following 4 tips into practice, it will help you enjoy the journey to true love.
4 Ways to Stay Positive While Dating
Watch this short video. Then, read the tips below so you don’t have to take notes.
1. Remember: Dating is a journey, not a destination.
Most dates don’t lead to long-term relationships. You might want to think of those dates as detours on the road to love. If you’re looking for love, you are searching for someone special, not just anyone.
It takes time and effort to sift through potential matches until you find the person who’s right for you. Keep this reality check in the back of your mind when a date doesn’t work out: that date was part of the journey, not the destination.
Keep your expectations in check. A person is not a profile, so don’t project a relationship onto a person with a well-written profile and great photos. Instead, approach every date with the attitude of discovering who they are, not deciding if they’re the ‘one’.
Ask yourself, what can I discover about myself and about my date. Every date is a stepping-stone to the next date, which will eventually lead to a relationship. Stay in the game, and don’t give up. It’s just a matter of time before you meet the right one for you.
2. Be mindful about what you say and do on dates.
First dates are all about first impressions. That’s why it’s important to be mindful about what you say and do on every date. People tend to misread cues all the time. So, steer clear of absolutes, such as “I never” or “I always”. Don’t share stories about your past pain. Stay positive, listen well, and be memorable.
After each date, it’s a good idea to review what went well and what you could do better next time.
I call it the 3-2-3-2 method. Here’s how it works.
After your date, write down:
3 things you liked about him or her.
2 things you didn’t like (yellow or red flags)
3 things you thought you did well
2 things you’ll do differently on the next date
If you’re always learning from every date, you’ll be able to stay open, curious, and positive on your journey to true love.
3. Be good to yourself.
It’s important to not come undone after each bad date. If you’re feeling down, get out and do something fun. Get together with friends. Be good to yourself. Get a massage. Go kayaking, hiking, biking, or whatever makes you happy.
And then get right back in the saddle and go on another date. If one dating site is not working, try another. Or try meetup.com, a great way to meet people with common interests. Your future partner is out there, but you will never find him or her if you’re hiding out at home. Leave your house and DATE!
4. Be grateful for what is going well in your life.
In order to stay positive, don’t dwell on what’s not working in your love life. Focus on what is working—and be grateful.
The best way to do that is to develop a gratitude practice. Notice the wonderful things in your life every day. Appreciate the people who love you. You might want to make a gratitude list at the beginning or end of every day.
Or find a ‘gratitude buddy’, a good friend you can call daily/weekly to chat about what you’re both grateful for. A positive attitude is one of the most important things to bring on a date.
Become a dating optimist, and you will exude positive energy throughout your life. You’ll bring that good energy to every date. And when the right person shows up, you’ll be glad you didn’t give up hope.
What’s your favorite tip? Please share below. And if you have your own way of staying positive, I’d love to hear from you.
P.S. If you want to discover exactly what’s keeping you from having true love right now, and you’re ready for a deeply fulfilling relationship with a quality man who adores you… I would LOVE to talk to you!
NOTE: A version of this article first appeared in the Good Men Project.