5 Keys to Finding Lasting Love in the New Year

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, dating in midlife | 2 comments

Finding Love in the New YearDid you spend New Year’s Eve alone, watching the ball drop on your TV, surrounded by your 3 cats and a bowl of Häagen-Dazs Dulce de Leche? Maybe you had fun at a party with friends, but wished you had a boyfriend to kiss at midnight? You could have had a date. You could have been in a great relationship this past year. But something didn’t click…

I don’t care how old or out of shape you are, how dismal your relationship past has been, or whether you live in a small town without any eligible singles. I believe you can find love. And you can find it this year.

What’s the secret? You need to begin by treating men the same way you would treat your best girlfriend.

You probably love and support her. You would do just about anything for her, right? You realize that she isn’t perfect (who is?), but you accept her for who she is. You don’t try to change her. You can totally be yourself with her, and that’s what makes her your best friend.

Do you treat men like that? Have you loved your man unconditionally? Have you been yourself around your exes? I’ll bet you tried to do anything to make him happy, but that often came with a price. You ended up over-giving, and it wasn’t reciprocal. And because you were treated poorly for your efforts, you probably shut down.

Perhaps you got angry that you weren’t appreciated for your efforts, so you began to pick on his flaws. You found yourself turning into a nag, pushing him to change the parts of himself that you didn’t like.

Maybe you were afraid that if you expressed how you really felt about the way he was treating you, he’d leave you. So you stopped asserting yourself, stuffed your emotions, quietly imploding until you couldn’t take it anymore.

Does any of this sound familiar? You’re not alone. Most women date this way (including the ‘old’ me), and wonder why they’re still single.

The good news is that you can find love this year. All it takes is a new attitude and some better dating practices, and you’ll soon be in a relationship with your new best friend.

5 keys to finding lasting love in the New Year

1. If the chemistry is a 10, run away. When the chemistry is through the roof, it’s almost impossible to be yourself. You’ll probably put him on a pedestal, which will leave you in a disempowered position. The only place for him to look is down. Stick with a solid 7 and you’ll be more likely to have a balanced relationship.

2. Find a man who’s your best friend first. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’ll want a best friend, someone you can trust, confide in, and accept without trying to change. A relationship built on R.E.S.P.E.C.T. and a good foundation will have a strong chance of success.

3. Make sure he’s not a fair weather boyfriend. You know those fair weather friends? The ones who hand out with you when things are going well? When things fall apart, who is there to support you? That’s when your true friends come through. Same holds true for a good boyfriend. He’s there to hold your head when you’re throwing up, to comfort you when you’re devastated that your friend is sick with cancer, when life gets hard. Because let’s face it, this is real life. Stuff happens. Trust the man who is there for you when the stuff hits the fan.

4. Learn how to express your needs. Don’t stuff your emotions. Men are not mind readers. Let him know what you need from him and ask him what he needs from you. Do it from the start of the relationship. These are not skills we are born with. I have spent many years perfecting the art of honest and compassionate communication, especially when the stakes are high. The quality of my relationships has improved and deepened in ways I never dreamed possible.

5. Have a love vision. If you dream him, you will attract him into your life. Sounds a little woo-woo, but it’s the truth. Without clarity, it’s hard to bring anything into your life. If you walked into Dunkin’ Donuts and ask for a donut, you might get a donut with chocolate sprinkles. Or a strawberry crème filled donut. Chances are, you won’t get what you really want. Ask for a cinnamon donut with vanilla drizzle frosting, and you’ll get exactly what you want. You get the picture.

Imagine this: It’s New Year’s Eve 2014. And you’re in the most amazing relationship of your life.

Begin to attract love today by taking the 5 small steps above. One step at a time.

Happy New Year, Happy New Love!





  1. what’s wrong with some chemistry? other than that point about chemistry i agree what a great article!

  2. Louisa, chemistry is important, just not through the roof chemistry, the kind where you’re so weak in the knees that you lose yourself. I have rarely seen that kind of relationship work for more than a few months. If you want real long lasting love, I believe you should begin with a lower level of attraction, and more connection on the compatibility scale.


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