5 Signs of a Fake Apology

Posted by in communication skills in dating, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

fake apology

When someone hurts you and offers a fake apology, it can feel worse than never apologizing at all. Here are 5 signs of a fake apology.

A fake apology can feel insincere and manipulative. Many people struggle with offering a true apology. They get defensive when you tell them your feelings are hurt. They might deny that they did anything wrong, play the victim, make excuses, or shift the blame onto someone else. In this video, you’ll learn five signs that can help you spot an insincere apology – and how to apologize in a way that repairs the relationship.

5 Signs of a Fake Apology

1. “I’m sorry, but…”

If an apology is followed by the word “but”, it’s insincere. Even though that person says they’re sorry, they’re not really apologizing. What they’re saying is: “I’m the real victim here, not you. I’m hurting, too, and my feelings matter more than yours.” 

2. “I’m sorry you felt that way”

If someone says, “I’m sorry you felt that way”, what they’re really saying is it wasn’t their intention to hurt you, you just took it the wrong way. Again, it’s YOUR problem, so there’s no need for them to take responsibility for what they said or did to hurt your feelings or cause harm.

3. “I’m sorry, but you’re too sensitive.”

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive” when someone hurt your feelings, you know how frustrating that fake apology is. By saying things like, “you just don’t know how to take a joke” or “you get hurt too easily”, what they’re actually doing is shifting the blame onto you. They lack the empathy to see what they did wrong, so you’re the one who’s at fault for being too sensitive. 

4. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but…”

When someone says, “I’m sorry you feel upset, but it’s not my fault you feel that way” that isn’t an apology but an excuse. They’re not apologizing. They’re defending themselves and invalidating your feelings.

5. “I’m sorry, but I only did it because of YOU.”

Finally, when someone says, “I only did it because you made me do it,” they’re not apologizing. They’re blaming you. They’re saying, “I’m not usually like this. I did it because of you.” (For example, I cheated because you didn’t give me enough attention). They’re not taking responsibility for their choices, which is why this is a fake apology.

How to apologize sincerely

A sincere heartfelt apology is about showing genuine remorse for what you did wrong, owning up to it, listening to what the person you hurt has to say, and then taking action to not repeat what you did in the future.

Start by listening to them. Validate their feelings. Say you’re sorry and acknowledge your mistakes. Explain your side of the story, but don’t get defensive. Next, ask them for forgiveness. Tell them how you’ll make it up to them and what you’ll do differently next time.

If the other person sees how sincere you are, and they feel they can trust you again, they’ll be able to move past what happened, forgive you, and repair the relationship.

Apologies are a form of boundaries. If you want to improve your boundaries, but you’re not sure where to begin, register now for the 5-Day Healthy Boundaries Summit. It runs from January 9th-13th. It’s FREE and filled with tons of valuable information on how to create the most important boundaries of your life. Click here to join now.

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