5 Signs You’re Trying Too Hard in a Relationship

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trying too hard in a relationship

Are you trying too hard in a relationship in order to win their affection? Here are 5 signs you’re working too hard and what to do instead.

Have you ever felt that you were trying too hard in a relationship? Maybe you were the one to plan everything or pick up the slack when your partner didn’t come through. Trying too hard is unhealthy for both of you. Here are five signs you’re working too hard in a relationship and three things you can do instead.

5 Signs You’re Trying Too Hard in a Relationship

1. You make excuses for their bad behavior

2. You overanalyze everything they do or don’t do

3. You overanalyze everything YOU do

4. You try to win their affection 

5. You feel like they have all the power

How to stop trying so hard in a relationship

Remember your value and ask yourself the following questions to asses if this relationship is working for you:

  1. Are they investing the same energy and time into the relationship as you? 
  2. Are you giving from a place of love and generosity or from a place of insecurity and fear?
  3. Why are you trying so hard to make the relationship work?

If someone doesn’t appreciate you or what you offer in the relationship, you are not being valued. 

If someone doesn’t invest the same amount of time and energy into the relationship, you are not being valued. 

Perhaps they’re too busy or preoccupied for a relationship. Maybe they are scared of being in a close relationship. Whatever the reason, it’s not your job to carry the emotional labor of a relationship alone. It takes two to make a wholehearted union.

If you’re trying so hard, especially at the beginning of a relationship, ask yourself why. Is it because you want to be liked or loved so much? Do you think that overdoing and over-giving will earn you love? Is this something you learned growing up? If so, take some time to heal that part of yourself and fill your own void instead of hoping a partner will fill it for you.

People don’t fall in love with you because you’re trying so hard. They fall in love because of who you are, not what you do. If you want to give to your partner from a place of love, that’s the right type of motivation. If you are giving from a place of fear and insecurity, it’s time to pause and reflect, so you can stop unhealthy behaviors and have a relationship that’s based on an equal amount of effort from both parties.

Have you ever tried too hard in a relationship? Please share below.


If you’re curious about how coaching can help you work through issues like trust, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, shyness, repeated patterns in dating and more, let’s talk! I offer a complimentary 45-minute breakthrough session to anyone who’s seriously interested in working with me. Apply here: https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join the Woman of Value Club, where we have a monthly masterclass on topics like this one. Learn more and join here: https://lastfirstdate.com/the-woman-of-value-club/

Join my free Facebook group for women 40+ https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Check out my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

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