5 Ways to Survive – and Thrive – After a Breakup
(This article first appeared in http://BetterAfter50.com) They say that breaking up is hard to do. It was difficult in your twenties, and it doesn’t get much easier when you’re over 50. The days and weeks after a breakup can take a toll on your mental and physical health. In extreme cases, the breakup can be physiologically similar to withdrawing from an addiction. So, yes, breakups are hard to do. But with the right tools, you can survive and even thrive after a breakup.
5 Ways to Survive (and Thrive) After a Breakup
1. Take time for yourself. After a breakup, it’s important to give yourself some extra TLC. Pamper yourself. Get a massage or a mani-pedi. Take a trip with close friends. Get lost in a new book. Watch a fabulous movie (just not a romantic one). Now’s the time to give yourself some love and begin the healing process.
2. Don’t date! This is NOT the time to date. No matter what others tell you about getting back in the “game”, don’t date right away.
Why not date on the rebound? You’re too vulnerable right now. You’re more likely to make poor choices in the men you pick. Wait at least a few months and do the inner work of healing before dating again.
Many second marriages fail because people dated too soon after a breakup. They ended up marrying the same person with a different face.
3. Write a letter to your ex. After a breakup, it can be cathartic to write out your feelings and thoughts about the breakup. It will give you clarity about what was positive about the relationship and what didn’t work. Thank him for the lessons you learned from him. But DON’T SEND IT! You might want to make a bonfire and burn it as a healing ritual. Releasing your ex is a healthy step towards making space for the next love of your life.
You must close one door before opening the next. Making peace with your past relationships is important if you want to attract a healthy lasting loving relationship.
4. Fall madly in love with yourself. A breakup can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. This is the time to rebuild your confidence. Make a list of your positive attributes. What do you love and appreciate about yourself? Now focus on the parts of yourself that you don’t love as much, and give those areas some love, too. If you’re stuck, ask your friends what they love about you. If you are seriously doubting your self-worth, seek help from a therapist or coach.
5. Move on. After you’ve grieved the loss of your ex and your relationship, move on and begin to date again. If you wallow in anger or sadness for too long, it can be difficult to get yourself back out there in the dating world.
Once you’re ready to date again, remember to have fun. Don’t project your ex’s bad qualities onto the next man. This new guy is not the one who hurt you. Treat each date as clean slate, filled with hope and possibility.
Watch the video below for tips on how to breakup with dignity.
What have you done after a breakup to help yourself heal? Please share your thoughts below.