5 Ways to Take Control of Your Relationship (Without Being Controlling)

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Take Control of Your Relationship

Can you really take control of your relationship without being controlling? Absolutely. And here are 5 ways to get started.

Most of us want to have some degree of control in our relationships. It can make us feel a sense of order, of being on top of things. But, when does this need for control turn into manipulation? What’s the tipping point when you begin to push your partner away? And, is it possible to be in control without being controlling?

Absolutely! All it takes is to stop trying to control people, experiences, and situations. We can have the right balance of control if we learn to be in control of ourselves instead of others. 

5 Ways to Take Control of Your Relationship (Without Being Controlling)


1. Don’t be a perfectionist—be flexible

For many of us, the need to be perfect keeps us from being happy. Being a perfectionist is actually an imperfection. You must control your perfectionism if you want to stop being manipulative.

If you keep waiting for things to be perfect, you will not be happy with yourself or your partner. Learn to embrace imperfection, and get comfortable with some degree of flexibility, uncertainty, and ambiguity.


2. Stop feeding fear—build your self-esteem

The main reason why people become controlling and manipulative when it comes to their relationships is the fear of losing their partner to someone else. The fear stories that play out in your head are usually because of unfinished business from your past. The more attention you give to your fears, the more your fears will grow.

Instead, build your confidence and self-esteem. When you believe in your own worth, it allows you to have more faith in your partner and your relationship. It’s understandable to be afraid of the unknown at times, but don’t dwell on it, and don’t make assumptions. Talk things out, and your relationship will thrive.


3. Don’t spy—build trust and communicate openly

There are some people who are so untrusting, they will spy on their partner. Either they physically follow them, or they use a partner spying app like Xnspy to spy on their every move. These apps can monitor your boyfriend’s phone activity and their location.

These sneaky tactics usually prove to be detrimental to a relationship. If you feel there is a change in your partner’s behavior, talk about it. Be open, not judgmental, while having your discussion, and make a choice based on facts, not fabrication.

Most importantly, trust yourself. If your intuition tells you that something feels off, trust your gut. It’s never wrong. Note: It’s important to distinguish between your intuition and your fear-based triggers. Intuition is brilliant, and fear based triggers are a gut reaction based on unfinished business from your past. Work on those triggers, and pay attention to your gut!


4. Ditch the need to be right

People who like to be in control enjoy being right. Want a healthy relationship? Remove the need to always be right. It will distance you from your partner (and everyone else in your life!). Instead, keep an open mind, and listen to his opinion. This will build the bond between you.


5. Relax!

The scariest part about surrendering control to your partner is it may seem like you’re never going to have things your way. The irony is, when you give up unnecessary control of things, you actually gain power in the relationship and in your life.

Controlling everything is not what makes you powerful – it’s what makes you exhausted.

On the other hand, it’s empowering to relinquish control and relax. Think of yourself as the VIP who rides in the limousine. She is more powerful than the chauffeur who controls the car!


Bottom-line: Let go to achieve greater control

Remind yourself that the best way to love someone is to let them be who they are, which includes embracing their mistakes and imperfections. He will learn more from his mistakes than from listening to your nagging advice to prevent them from happening next time.

Try these five tips. Be the VIP instead of the chauffeur in your relationship by relinquishing control to your partner and see what happens. Let him do what he thinks is best, and the respect and trust he feels from you will foster more intimacy and romance than any amount of control ever could.


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