The 6 Love Styles and How they Can Help You Find Lasting Love

Posted by in dating in midlife, first date success | 1 comment

What are the 6 love styles, and how can they help you find love? Identify YOUR love style and discover which love style is your perfect match.

My radio guest, Dr. Kate Ferrick, is a Relationships Coach who studies the psychology of romantic love. She has helped singles find love for over ten years, and conducts workshops for singles in Southern California. Dr. Kate has been interviewed on numerous radio stations regarding her findings on romantic love and the 6 love styles.

Learn about the The 6 Love Styles and How they Can Help You Find Lasting Love on Last First Date Radio. Highlights of our show below…

The 6 Love Styles and How they Can Help You Find Lasting Love

What is a ‘Love Style’?

Love styles are attitudes toward romance or intimate relationships. The concept was developed by John Allen Lee in his 1973 book Colours of Love.

According to his theory, different individuals approach love relationships in different ways. Lee used Greek words to describe the six different styles. Dating is often confusing. You meet someone and their idea of romantic love is different from yours. You can use the love styles to determine if you’re compatible. Couples who are the same dominant love style are most compatible.

Describe each of the 6 Love Styles.

1. Eros: Passionate love with a physical ideal of what they want their partner to look like. Love at first sight is possible. They want intimacy from the beginning. There’s a high level of attraction. Relationships are highly emotional and intense. They don’t get obsessed or jealous. Example: Pretty Woman, Passengers.

2. Mania: Obsessive, jealous, very emotional. They are insecure and often fear they’ll give too much, and it won’t be reciprocated. Want to spend a lot of time with their partner. Example: Glen Close in Fatal Attraction. 

3. Ludus: Game-playing love. They have two or three partners at the same time. They believe you can love more than one person simultaneously. They avoid commitment. If you’re looking for marriage, they’re not the one for you. Example: Samantha in Sex in the City. 

4. Pragma: Practical/shopping list love. They seek compatibility in terms of social, religious, lifestyle, etc. They date and check off the shopping list of what they want in a partner. They are rational in their search, not emotional. They want to see if a potential partner has these qualities before becoming intimate. Example: Charlotte from Sex and the City.

5. Storge: Friendship love. These people place a heavy value on companionship and stability. They believe that love can happen after a friendship exists. Example: When Harry Met Sally. 

6. Agape: Altruistic or selfless love. This is a rare love style. It’s a person who believes it’s their duty to selflessly love without expecting much in return. They take care of their partners. Example: Forrest Gump and Jenny. 

How can the love styles be used when dating?

1. Identify your love style. You can have one or two dominant love styles. 

2. When dating, pick up on your potential partner’s love style. Avoid the Mania if you’re looking for a healthy relationship.

3. The love style that will work best for you is someone with a similar love style and concept of love.

For example, if you’re an Eros, find someone with a dominant love style that’s also Eros.

Familiarize yourself with the 6 love styles, and when you’re with friends, try to figure out their love styles. Then, when you’re out there dating, look at your dates’ love styles, and stay away from Mania and Ludus if you want lasting love!

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1 Comment

  1. What do you do when you have four types of Love styles? I noticed a lot of overlap in my love style in several of the style types mentioned above. I have eros, ludus, pragma, and storge. I believe love at first sight can happen and I have had that happen before, however, I do not have a certain type that I seek out all the time, as for me I just really need a pretty face and that’s really all I need in the physical department. I also believe you can fall in love with two people at the same time. I have had this happen to me before. Not saying it’s practical or that the other people would feel the same way about you as I only had one of them that was really into me and the other might have been had he allowed himself fully to me. I know he only stopped because he was scared of getting entangled with me. I also am looking for somebody who has similar taste as I do in hobbies as well as lifestyle but mostly interests. And although I have gone through a wildcard phase, I never was with more than one partner at a time, although I have cheated on two boyfriends in the past. The first time was a big mistake and I did mostly because I was trying to force my boyfriend to break up with me as I wasn’t ready for marriage yet and I was scared. The second time I was doing it because my relationship was falling apart. And I was still in the denial phase at that point, so I sought love outside of my relationship hoping to put some salve on the wound. I think I’m mostly pragma and storge at this point in my life although I really would just like to find a combination between eros and storge. Should I go off of those two or pragma and storge?

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