8 Conversations That Lead to Deep Connection

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deep connection

Learn about the 8 conversations that lead to deep connection in my conversation with Susan Scott on Last First Date Radio.

Susan Scott is a New York Times bestselling author and leadership development architect. For the past two decades, she has enabled top executives worldwide to engage in vibrant dialogue with each other, with their employees, and with their customers. In Fierce Love: Creating a Love That Lasts, One Conversation at a Time, and Fierce Love: A Journal for Couples, Susan Scott guides couples through eight must-have conversations that lead to deep connection and lasting commitment.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why it’s so hard for most couples to talk honestly to each other
  • Some of the 8 conversations every couple must have
  • Why unconditional love is so problematic in relationships

EP 514: Susan Scott – 8 Conversations That Lead to Deep Connection

What led you to write this book about personal relationships?

What gets talked about determines if a relationship thrives, flatlines, or fails. What are we pretending not to know? I want us to stay awake in the ‘gradually’ as we’re dating, so we don’t get to ‘suddenly’ – the end of a relationship. The conversations help us clarify whether we should continue dating and staying in a relationship.

Why is it so hard for most couples to talk honestly to each other?

The conversation IS the relationship. 

We don’t know how to have these conversations. We don’t know how to express love – specifically what we love about someone. And we also have to have a way to talk about what’s not working, without triggering.

Many people don’t feel there’s a safe space in their relationship. WE make it safe or unsafe to have these conversations. If we get good at having these conversations, they will draw the other person into a deep conversation. 

We teach people how to treat us, and we get what we tolerate. That’s why we must have these conversations. We need to catch ourselves making up stories about what things mean. In the moment, so we stay awake, if the person you’re dating says something hurtful, say, “What you just said didn’t land very well with me. Can you tell me what’s going on?” That will help you understand what the issue really is.

What are some of the 8 must-have conversations that lead to deep connection?

“We need to clarify our conditions”. Start with your own conditions. Then discuss them with your partner. Do their conditions conflict with yours? They are the few non-negotiables present for you to stay in the relationship.

Ask yourselves, “Am I behaving in a way that makes my partner happy?” 

We have these conversations to enrich relationships, and not to blame.

Why is “unconditional love” problematic in relationships?

Love has to have conditions. Without them, people have permission to treat you however they want. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I hope you resonated with the message that the conversation is the relationship. You’re navigating it one conversation at a time. Sit beside someone you care for and begin with “I want you to know something I absolutely love about you.”

You have to learn to accept an apology you will never get.

Don’t hang onto resentment. Move on!

You can’t make yourself love someone or make them love you. We make love happen. Speak and behave in a way that would entice love to want to spend time with you. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Susan: https://susanscott.io/

Get the book: Fierce Love: Creating a Love that Lasts—One Conversation at a Time

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