9 Keys to Getting from Your First Date to Engaged

Posted by in first date success, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

I got a Facebook message last night that made my heart do a little dance; ‘Pearl’ is engaged after an 11-month courtship! When she first contacted me about a year ago, she was concerned about an upcoming blind date. She had not dated anyone in several months, and was nervous about a few things. There was the combined pressure of wanting to please her friends who had arranged the setup, and the nervousness of jumping back into dating after a short hiatus. What follows is a Facebook conversation we had a year ago about how she went from her first date to engaged – in less than a year.

The First Date

May 24 

Pearl: So about this date…a mutual friend has been trying to set us up for months and the timing has just never worked out. The truth is that the story is actually really funny with all sorts of details involved, but I don’t think that he knows my side of the story. I think I shouldn’t tell him because it might overwhelm him right now.

Sandy: You’re right, better to keep things low key at first. Don’t reveal too much about yourself until you know him better.

Pearl: I am scared to date again, but your articles really helped. I particularly liked “Do you think about a future before there is a present”, “What NOT to say or do on a first date, and another two, “Chemistry or Compatibility” and “A Guy’s Advice: 12 steps to win him over (or keep him from leaving”.

I’m actually meeting him in like an hour or two and I’m really nervous, but I am trying to look at it as another growing experience, just a meeting between me and someone who is another nice person and nothing more.

Thanks, Sandy! I’ll let you know what happens.

Sandy: You have a great attitude, and I’m sure you will do well on the date. Relax and breathe! Remember, you are the chooser. Stay positive and ask questions that tell you about his valuesThis can help alleviate some of the nervousness. Good luck!

The next day

May 25

Sandy: So, how did your date go?

Pearl: Hi Sandy! Thanks for checking up on me. So, even though I was sooo nervous before I met him, I was totally fine as soon as we met and started talking. I had a really nice time. We talked for a little over 3 hours in Central Park.

As I was processing the experience on the way back, I was really surprised to realize how much my attitude towards dating has changed over the year. When I dated a couple of guys in the fall, I think I did it (sadly) more out of a feeling of desperation and pressure from the expectations of others around me.

Now I am just more open to the experience as an experience. There was nothing at all about him that made me think it wouldn’t work, so I am just interested in seeing what could happen. I do have a few questions about him but there’s no way to find out other than going out again and spending more time together. I’ll have to see what happens! I’ll keep you posted and might have questions; so don’t be surprised if you hear from me again.

Sandy: I love your attitude shift, Pearl. It’s so important to have a positive and relaxed attitude when dating. I just wrote a blog post about the importance of not being needy in dating. We sometimes forget that dating is not just about him choosing you and whether or not you are worthy. It’s important to remember that you are choosing, too. This is key to remaining calm and empowered throughout the dating process.

Glad things were relaxed yesterday. Sounds like it went really well.

I think you are wise to think that only YOU can figure out whether or not he is for you. Keep me posted and feel free to ask as many questions as you like. It’s my pleasure to help.

One year later: She’s engaged!

Sandy: I saw your Facebook status update. Congratulations on your engagement!

Pearl: I just wanted to tell you that it’s the same guy I reached out to you about last May when I was nervous about going on my first date with him! I STILL read and love the articles you post!

You basically gave me great advice and encouraged me, and it was very meaningful to me. So thank you! By the way, I just read him our Facebook messages from last year!

Sandy: I’m thrilled that things worked out with that guy! It makes my day to know that you followed my advice (and your heart) and went out with him. He looks so cute. I can’t wait to meet him! Congratulations again!!

9 Keys to Getting from Your First Date to Engaged

1. Stay open.

2. Have a positive attitude.

3. Explore possibilities.

4. Listen to your HEAD and your HEART.

5. Stay calm and patient.

6. Don’t be needy.

7. Proceed on your own timeline.

8. Be the CHOOSER.

9. Trust in the Universe, and let go of expectations.

What’s your biggest dating challenge?

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