A Great First Date Question
Do you ever run out of things to say on a first date? Sometimes the connection between two people is so off, that you don’t even want to talk anymore. You just pray for the end of the date. But, what if the date is going well, and you want to ask a really good question, one that would give you insight into this man you’re trying to get to know? I am such a curious person, I usually have a million questions for my dates. Add in the fact that I’m a dating coach, and you would think I’d have an endless supply of great first date questions. That was until I met someone who asked me a great first date question that I had never considered…
We were having dinner, chatting about a million things, when my date pulled a fast one. He asked, “What would your ex-husband say are your biggest flaws?” He added that I didn’t need to answer that question, he was just curious.
Are you kidding? While some people might not have answered, I LOVED that question.
He wasn’t asking me to badmouth my ex. He wasn’t asking me what I thought my biggest flaws were.
He wanted to see how my ex-husband saw me. And whether or not I felt his perceptions were accurate.
I loved this question because it gave me pause. It made me think. It challenged me. And I love a good challenge.
I won’t tell you the details of our answers, but suffice it to say, we both felt misunderstood and under-appreciated by our spouses.
There are many reasons that a relationship fails. Many times, it’s just because you married the wrong person. And you hoped that they would become the right person. That doesn’t usually work very well.
I was talking about this question with my happily married friend, and she said her husband’ account of her flaws would be accurate. They would be things she really needed to work on, but had let slide. And her husband’s positive way of overlooking the negative and accentuating the positive between them was what made their marriage a success. Interesting, huh?
So, next time you run out of things to say on a date, or just want to get some juicy information about the person you’re trying to get to know, try asking him this question. See what he says. See how well he knows himself. Is he willing to reveal his vulnerability? That’s what brings you closer together.
Wishing you a very happy, healthy, and love-filled New Year!