A Guide to Post-Dating Friendship
Post-dating friendship – can it work? Discover when it’s okay to become friends and when it’s better to move on.
Does post-dating friendship work when there’s no romantic interest? What about after a relationship ends? Sometimes friendships can be successful after dating, but most of the time, it doesn’t work. In this video, I share when to suggest post-dating friendship and when to walk away.
A Guide to Post-Dating Friendship
Why Suggest Post-Dating Friendship?
Why do so many people ask to be friends when they don’t feel a romantic connection? I believe there are two key reasons:
1. They’re afraid to hurt the other person, and they want to let them down kindly.
2. They actually feel a connection and would like to pursue a friendship.
If you’re the type of person who asks everyone you date to be friends even if you don’t feel a connection, I invite you to pause before having the ‘auto friend’ conversation. Ask yourself a few questions: Do you really want to be their friend? Do you like them enough to be friends? Or are you trying to protect their feelings by offering friendship instead of romance?
If you have the ‘friend talk’ after every date or relationship that doesn’t work, be honest with yourself. If you don’t really see potential for a friendship, say goodbye – hard stop!
Script for ending things after a few dates:
“It was nice meeting you/getting to know you. Unfortunately, I don’t feel the romantic connection I need to continue, and I wish you all the best!”
If you’re ending a relationship and don’t see potential for friendship…
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and don’t want to be friends – at least while the breakup is still fresh – the kindest thing you can do is walk away.
How to kindly end a relationship when you don’t want to be friends:
I like to use an ‘appreciation sandwich’. Start and end with appreciation.
- Tell them you want to talk about something important.
- Start by mentioning something you like or value about them.
- Say what’s not working (your reason for the break-up).
- Say you want to break up.
- Say you’re sorry if this hurts.
- End with something kind and positive.
If you decide to remain friends after a break up or a few dates.
- Have an honest conversation.
- Design the boundaries of this new relationship.
- Take it slow and course correct along the way.
- Be realistic about what’s involved and know that it might not work.
If THEY don’t see romantic potential but want to be friends with YOU
- Be honest with yourself.
- Are you interested in more than friendship?
- Would you be friends with the hope that it will grow into something more?
- If you’re friends with potential for more, that almost never works out.
- It’s usually best to walk away and pursue a relationship where you both want the same things
Next time you feel compelled to offer post-dating friendship, check in with yourself and be honest. The more you align with what you need and want, the more likely you’ll attract your last first date!
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