A Twice Divorced Wedding Planner Dishes About Love and Marriage

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

love and marriageTonia Adleta shares what she learned about love and marriage as a twice divorced wedding planner. 

Tonia Adleta is the Owner/Creative Director of Aribella Events, an award-winning wedding planning and custom floral design studio with roots in the Philadelphia area. Highly sought after and well-loved by her clients, she strives to make a difference by creating moments worthy of celebration. As a creative, a mother, a traveler, and a coffee junkie (seriously, the dog’s name is Macchiato!), she believes in the power of connection and pursues beauty – and finds it – everywhere.

I interviewed Tonia on Last First Date Radio about love and marriage lessons learned from the twice divorced wedding planner.

A Twice Divorced Wedding Planner Dishes About Love and Marriage

 

What are your most important lessons learned from being divorced twice?

My first divorce lasted about seven years. I lost a sense of who I was in that marriage. I had my first two children fifteen months apart, and wasn’t connecting husband to wife. The chasm/split revealed the foundation that was lacking in the relationship.

In my second marriage, I was faced with almost the exact same question. I felt bullied. I had changed in the course of recovery from the first relationship, and was able to recognize that it wasn’t okay [to be treated this way].

To summarize both marriages, I learned to know myself and know I wanted to attract love and kindness.

Do you think true love exists?

You’d think as a wedding planner I would believe in love. And I do. But I don’t think it’s only available in marriage. Life is meant to be lived, and I’m here to experience all of it. [I’m open to love showing up in many different ways.]

Have you ever felt that a couple you were working with was doomed?

Yes, only once. I am blessed to work with amazing clients. In my selection process, they’re hiring me and I’m hiring them. If I see a lack of respect, I don’t think we’ll be a good fit and I will walk away. 

What are the most important things to look for in a partner?

For me, the things I’d identify with couples who have a good connection, plus my friendships, is kindness and respect. That has to be present. It shows up in so many different ways. It’s about how they treat the valet or the waitress. This is a good indication of how they’ll treat you.

The next level of qualities I seek is a sense of adventure and curiosity. There is so much life to be lived, and to be restrictive and hidden away for fear of getting hurt, you lose out on so much. 

How do you discover if he/she has the core values you’re seeking?

I love to hear people’s stories. I feel like even things have stories, like antiques. In fact, my business is named for my great grandmother, Aribella. I found a love note that was sent to her that was passed down for generations. 

Stories reveal depth and substance about a person. Being open and vulnerable and present for those moments says so much about a person. I have a deep craving for relationships that go deep. 

What do creativity and dating have in common?

I came up with an acronym for the six keys to Creativity:

Curiosity (tell me a little more about you)

Risk-Taking (you can’t create something new if you’re not willing to take risks)

Engagement (be open and engaged)

Adaptability (don’t be so tied to the outcome, be flexible)

Trust (trust in yourself and in the universe to provide for you)

Energy (what do you believe about yourself and the world?)

This combination is so powerful and it creates an environment with a life force that’s fulfilling. 



I loved this interview. Tonia is so warm, engaging, and open-hearted. Listen to the episode here.

You can subscribe to the show on iTunes. Download any of the 200 shows. Rate and review for bonus points!

Thanks for listening to Last First Date Radio.

I hope you go on your last first date very soon!

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