Listen to Sandy’s TEDx talk about how she became open to love after her divorce—by removing the hard ‘tootsie pop’ layers from her heart.
Learn more about Sandy in this interview, where she was featured in Next Act for Women.
Women seek out my services after divorce, loss of a spouse, or if they’ve never been married and can’t seem to find someone special on their own. I have clients who have been single for years and have not been on any dates. They assumed their friends would fix them up or they’d meet someone organically, but that almost never happens.
In your experience, what are women looking for in a midlife relationship that might be different than when they were younger?
When you’re dating in your twenties and thirties, you’re usually seeking a husband, a provider who will at least share in the living expenses, and a father for your future children. Many midlife daters are empty-nesters, so their focus is less on their kids, and more on themselves for the first time in years. They’re now free to travel more and take time for activities they love. These women are looking for a best friend and lover, a true life partner.
Women in midlife know themselves better. They know who they are and what they want. They also know what they don’t want, and are committed to not settle for crumbs anymore. The best relationships in midlife are deeper, more mature, and much more fulfilling.
What are common misconceptions and fears you hear from women re-entering the dating scene in midlife?
Many women think they’re too old to find love. They believe all the good ones are married or gay. They think they’ll be rejected for much younger, thinner, smarter, sexier women. These are all limiting beliefs. A grownup mature man is looking for a woman his age. He doesn’t care about a few extra pounds. He loves her feistiness, her opinions, and the rich life she’s lived.
What role do you play in helping women overcome these barriers to finding a meaningful relationship?
I first help women fall in love with who they are today, because if you don’t love yourself, you’ll only attract men whose self-esteem is low. I help them stop limiting themselves in any area of their lives. I give them the tools to speak up clearly and effectively when feelings are hurt. And I help them get clear about who their ideal match is—the essential qualities of a life partner that would make them feel safe and understood, someone who inspires them to be their best selves.
I work with women all over the world, via Zoom video conferencing. I offer private coaching, group coaching, retreats and workshops, both in person and virtually.
What is your best advice to women seeking to find love in midlife?
Take exquisite care of yourself first. That means letting go of the soul-suckers, and learning to say no to whatever doesn’t support your growth and well-being. Become the high value woman who attracts the highest quality man.
Believe in love. Take control where you can and let go of the things you can’t control. Do everything you can to meet good men (effectively date online, go to meetup and social events), and show up as your best self. Radiate out warmth and love, have clarity about who your ideal match is, and become comfortable with letting the wrong men go. This way, you will have your best chance at finding lasting love.
Why is this your passion?
Because I was once a woman who gave up important bits of myself for men. I lost my power. I felt invisible. Now, I make sure I’m taking care of my needs first. I date with dignity and self-respect. I know how to cut the players loose before my heart takes over. I balance my head and my heart. I’ve learned to have self-compassion and not expect to always get things right the first time around. Dating is complex, and the more you learn about yourself, the better the outcome of your relationships.
In only a few months, that essay helped me attract the love of my life! Thank you so much for helping me find love after my divorce!”
JP – Norwalk, CT
What qualifies you to help women find love?
I’ve also spent many years training in communication skills, studying the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and the work of Susan Scott, founder of Fierce, Inc. and author of Fierce Conversations. I love helping clients courageously advocate for their needs in a relationship, a crucial part of what’s missing in most failed relationships.
Who DO you work with?
I work with self-aware, heart-centered smart women 40 + who have achieved success in most areas of life, but are unsuccessful in their relationships with men. Many have previously given up important bits of themselves to the men in their lives. These woman are ready for change. They are willing to do whatever it takes – no matter their age or past relationship history – to attract and sustain a healthy relationship with a wonderful man.
Irma Jennings, Holistic Bone Coach www.food4healthybones.com
Who DON’T you work with?
I don’t work with women who want a quick fix or want to place the blame on men for all the problems they’ve had in previous relationships. I don’t work with women who think that their relationship problems will be solved by just figuring out where the good men hang out. You have to be willing to take an honest look at yourself and be open to changing the patterns that are holding you back. I am a loving guide, and I’ll work with you if you are willing to be open to getting out of your comfort zone, being self-reflective, and learning the most effective ways to find and attract a lasting loving relationship.
What RESULTS can someone expect from private coaching with you?
Coaching works quickly. Many have an ‘aha’ moment from our very first phone call. To experience lasting change, scientific studies have shown that it takes about three months. Ultimately, the more devoted you are, the more you’ll get out of coaching.
Whether you’re just beginning to date after a divorce or loss of a spouse, have never been married, or are currently in a relationship, I can help.
Attracting the right man begins with falling madly in love with yourself. So if your self-esteem needs a boost, I’m the coach for you. I’ll give you the tools to help you let go of the inner-voices that sabotage and hold you back. If you’re holding on to your ex, I’ll help you fully let go, which includes any residual resentment and anger. Forgiveness is for your own wellbeing.
And I’ll work with you on being brutally honest (and compassionate) with yourself about the things you might have done that have contributed to your past unsuccessful relationships. You’d be surprised at some of the hidden culprits.
Is your picker broken? I have exercises that will help you get crystal clear about your Mr. Right so you can attract him into your life. Dump your old list and learn how to quickly identify the right guy for you. You’ll also learn how to give the right men a second chance and stop dating emotionally unavailable/abusive men for good!
Does the idea of flirting at this age make you cringe? Some women over 40 feel awkward about flirting. If that sounds like you, I’ll help you access your most authentic inner flirt. I used to think flirting was all about giving off sexual vibes, and it felt fake and forced. I now ‘flirt’ with everyone – from the cashier to a guy in an elevator- and I feel totally natural. I can help you feel totally at ease with flirting, too.
Can you help women find love online?
If you’ve tried online dating without success or have been reluctant to get started, you’re in the right place. Through my dating programs, I’ll help you find love online and offline.
I’ll craft an online dating profile that showcases your true personality, captivates the right men, and maximizes the number of contacts you get from quality men.
Your online dating profile will help you become a man-magnet, attracting more interest than you ever imagined.
You will learn to connect deeply, drop your guard, build trust slowly and on your terms, get clear on your sexual and emotional standards, and communicate your needs with grace. That is when true love happens between you and a quality match.
– JCJ – Stamford, CT
I’m excited to work with you! How do I get started?
You can go right to the coaching program you’re interested in and click to purchase. Or if you’re undecided and want to know more about my more comprehensive private coaching programs, just click the link below to fill out an application for scheduling your complimentary Woman of Value Breakthrough call. We’ll discuss your dating challenges and how I can help you.
To your success in love and life!