All I Want for Christmas is a Love Match

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, first date success, love after 40 | 0 comments

Steve BrassToday’s blog is brought to you by Steve Brass. Steve was my guest on Last First Date radio yesterday. He spoke about finding your love match, and I liked his content so much, I asked him to write a guest post for you. Enjoy!

As we enjoy this festive time of year visiting friends and family, exchanging good cheer, great food and gifts, there is one special gift some single folks still wish for…a love match.

The most important relationship in our lives is the one we hold dear with a love mate.  There are opportunities to meet new people during this season at company parties, church services, family gatherings and travelling to see old friends.  Someone might know someone that could muster an introduction for you and then the dance begins. You may receive the best Christmas gift of all this year by meeting that special life mate.

How will you avoid looking for love in the wrong person?  There are some key questions you might want to keep in mind when getting to know someone new.  Your compatibility with them rests on a number of important variables.  In my book, Love Match- 50 questions to find your mate, I offer a checklist that will provide you with insight quickly into whether this is a holiday bud or a potential long-term partner.  It is easy to get caught up in the festive spirit with drink, food and song and lower your radar to what you really want in a mate.  Some of us can abandon our standards because we feel lonely at this time of year.  Not a good idea.

I like to think of compatibility as resting on five pillars.  Chemistry, Cash, Communication, Caring and Commitment.

First and foremost, is knowing what kind of relationship you are seeking.  Do you want a friend with benefits, someone to date exclusively, a partner to plan your family and future with, or would you prefer to focus on your career and not get too involved with anyone?  These are critical wants to consider before you invest your heart, wallet and emotions.

Recently, at workshop I gave on Finding your Love Match,  a young woman approached me and asked for some advice.  She shared that she is dating a guy who wants a friend with benefits and this has been going on for over a year.  I asked what she wanted and she replied, “I want a committed long term partner”.  I said, so you and your friend are on very different pages and as I long you are okay with that difference, what is the issue?  She quickly responded, “No, I want more”. “Oh, so it is clear what type of relationship you want, and therefore the decision seems pretty clear too”, I offered.  This is not what she wanted to hear. She wanted a quick fix to change him.

We cannot impose our wish of what a relationship should be. We can certainly express our desires and dreams of what we want in a mate and then go about exploring to discover if someone new is on the same road we are.  Pushing someone into your idea of a relationship usually reaps short term results and pain.

It is easy to be pull into a physical attraction, or what some call instant chemistry, which can blind us to the bigger challenges that may come back to bite us.  Is there intellectual and emotional chemistry between you?  It is easy for some to get side tracked by a great smile, a nice body, clever conversation, a funny repertoire or a smart mind. So often we project our fantasy of what we want love to be instead of what we have found. Chemistry is much more than a good night in the sack.

Enjoy this time of year opening yourself to meeting new people, but remember to keep your wants close in mind and your checklist for a love match in your pocket.  You can have fun exploring with someone new and keep it light and friendly and still get some answers that will help you decide if you want to venture forward towards a love match.

Find Steve at Steve Brass.com. You can find his book,  Love Match-50 Questions to find your mate on amazon.com and kindle.

Happy Holidays and good luck finding your love match!

 

 

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