An Unusual Love Story
They met in their early twenties, engaged in one of the most intimate acts. No, it’s not what you think! They were study partners, deeply immersed in the scholarly analysis of the Torah at a seminary in Israel. After years of dating the wrong men, K suddenly realized that she had met her true love ~ a woman. Fast forward eight years. This past Sunday evening, K and G were legally married in the state of Connecticut at a beautiful and moving ceremony that I was privileged to witness.
At their engagement party, I heard some of the most moving testaments to true love. Listening to the loving words shared by this couple, even the most cynical among us couldn’t help but believe that true and lasting love exists.
The wedding was a fairytale of twinkling lights and the warm glow of candles, the backdrop an antiquated estate on gorgeously landscaped grounds. The warmth of the evening was echoed in the faces of the loving and supportive friends and family from all denominations and belief systems. The wedding party gathered together with a unified purpose, to celebrate the love between K and G, not to judge a lesbian marriage.
One of the most striking differences between this wedding and the traditional weddings that I more commonly attend was the unique and thoughtful nature of each aspect of the service. Gay legalized marriage is still in its infancy, so there isn’t much precedence for how to conduct the ceremony.
A great deal of thought and meaning went into planning each aspect of the ceremony, from the writing and sharing of vows, to the Jewish marriage contract, to the exchange of rings and breaking of two glasses at the end of the ceremony. I was moved to tears several times by the beautiful words that were shared by loved ones.
To me, the most moving speech was given by G’s mother. She shared that to her, the couple represented heaven and earth. K is heaven, with her deep spiritual and ethereal nature, her warmth and loving kindness, reflected in the work she does and in every aspect of her life. G is her complement, representing the earth in her grounded nature, the practical and thoughtful way she works and lives. Together, they create a balanced whole.
If only more people would follow K and G’s lead in finding the key elements to lasting love, we’d have a lot more happy couples out there!
Following are a list of key points we can learn from this happy union:
1. Choose a mate with whom you share key levels of compatibility. For them, it began with their shared love for Torah. You need to identify what it is for you.
2. Follow your heart, not necessarily the opinion of others. K and G met with a lot of resistance. After all, K had only dated men before meeting G. She let her heart and her intuition be her guide. It wasn’t always an easy path, not by any means, but it was her truth. Follow your truth. You’re the one who has to live with yourself, and ultimately with him or her, not your friends and family.
3. Look for your complement, not a carbon copy of yourself. The best matches are a combination of compatibility and complements. Ideally, you want to share the same world view, be in alignment with how you make practical decisions, and be sexually attracted to each other. Complements can help you grow together and pull you both to center.
My wish for you is that you find the kind of lasting love that I witnessed between this loving couple. Don’t give up hope! It can happen to you. I know it can be frustrating to date the wrong people (or no one at all), but please stay in the game. The rewards are too great. You might miss out on an opportunity to enhance your life with lasting love.
If you are frustrated and need support, please know you don’t have to do it alone. I am here to help demystify the dating process and help you make better choices so that you, too, can have a fairytale wedding. You deserve it.