Are You Compromising Too Much In Your Relationships?

Posted by in communication skills in dating, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

compromise in relationships“If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.” – Margaret Thatcher 1925-2013

This quote, by Margaret Thatcher, captures the difference between me pre-divorce and post-divorce. Like many of you, I was a compromiser. In my desire to be loved, I morphed into something I barely recognized. I wanted peace at any cost. And in the process, I lost the essence of myself in my marriage. I was compromising too much in my relationship. The price for that was too high. It’s taken me five years to reclaim the woman hiding underneath all those layers of resentment and compromise. But she’s back, and I’ll share how I unveiled her.

Are You Compromising Too Much in Your Relationships?

Of course, relationships do involve some degree of compromise. You are a couple, and one of you can’t always be right. That’s not a partnership, but a power-over relationship, which is unhealthy. But there are ways in which you should never compromise.

1. Don’t compromise your values. In the past, I didn’t know how to take a stand for something important to me. Peace was more important to me than a healthy relationship. I lost myself in an effort to please others. Figure out your core values and stand by them. Make a list of your top five values. Then, next to each value, write any word that describes what that value means to you. Tack the list next somewhere where you’ll be able to look at it as often as possible. Don’t back down on those values.

2. Don’t give up on your dreams. I remember a pivotal moment in my marriage, where my husband and I had just wrapped up taping our Nickelodeon TV show. He is a comedian/puppeteer, and I was the head writer on the show. I had a blast taping the show with him. We were discussing my dreams, which were still unformed. He said, “You were just on national television. Isn’t that a dream come true?” “No”, I said. “It’s your dream come true, not mine. While I loved the experience of being part of this show, I have other dreams. I just don’t know what they are yet.” Don’t live someone else’s dream. Identify yours and live it.

3. Don’t let people step on your needs. Every time you advocate for your needs, you grow a little taller inside. I never quite knew how to finesse my self-expression, and I used to turn people off. I now know that there are skills involved in self-expression, and I’ve learned to identify and express what I’m feeling and needing.

If you’re compromising too much in your relationships, stop and change a few behaviors. When you advocate for your needs, identify and live your values, and live your dreams, you respect and honor yourself. That is the key in magnetizing love.


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