Are You Dating in the Dark? 5 keys to finding love in 2012

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

My dating history can be categorized into two time periods: BM (before marriage) and AD (after divorce). In the 1980’s (BM), I was dating in the dark. What did I know? I knew when I was totally turned off by a man. That was easy to figure out. But what did I know about choosing a husband? I had a vague idea about who might be a good match, but there wasn’t much clarity. I knew I wanted someone kind, religiously compatible, giving, loving, fun to be with, and definitely not boring. But I didn’t really know what I needed. Probably because I still had a lot of work to do on myself.

Flash forward 25 years. I’m now four years post-divorce. I am dating again, in 2011 AD. I am clear. I can quickly identify if a guy is right for me or not. Dating is fun. I meet wonderful men. I feel very close to meeting ‘the one’, because I’ve done the work to bring him into my life.

So, if you’re dating in the dark, stumbling around, trying to meet your ideal mate, I can help. Let’s shed some light on better dating practices.

Five keys to Finding Love in 2012

1.  Examine your beliefs. What do you tell yourself about dating? About yourself? About men? Here are some of the limiting beliefs I used to have:

  • ¬†The guys I meet online are not quality men. Not true. You do have to know how to identify the keepers from the creepers. But the good guys are there. I know. I’ve dated them.
  • I’m too picky. I have to give up on some things I’m looking for. Depends on what your ‘list’ looks like. If it’s about a certain look or height, it’s best to expand your search. Two inches shorter? He might be the man of your dreams. But, if you’re giving up on core needs, you’ll come to regret it. If marrying someone of the same religious belief is critical to a happy life together, don’t give that up.
  • I’m not pretty/thin/smart/young enough. You fill in the blank. As long as you think those limiting thoughts, chances are, so will he. Confidence is sexy. Do whatever work is necessary to boost your self-esteem. That should be a prerequisite to dating.
2. Create a clear vision. If you don’t know what you want, how can you attain it? Goes for anything in life. What if you walked into Dunkin’ Donuts and said, “I’d like a donut, please.” Do you want chocolate? Cream filled? Frosted? Strawberry? Powdered Sugar? You can’t be helped unless you’re specific. I can help you get that same clarity in choosing your ideal mate.
3. Set an intention. Once your vision is clear, you’ll be able to begin shifting your energy and busting those liming beliefs that have kept you stuck in a rut. If you don’t put the effort forth to change, you’ll stay right where you are.
4. Get into action. Begin to take small and do-able steps to achieving success at having the love you want.
5. Let go of control. You can’t control the outcome. Once you put everything into place ~ identifying and shifting your limiting beliefs, creating a clear picture of what you want and who you want to attract into your life, setting an intention to shift your energy, even though it’s hard to make big changes in your life, and taking the actions necessary to achieve your love goals, everything will start falling into place for you.
However, it’s not a cause and effect kind of thing where you do something and five minutes later, you see results. No. It’s a process, and like anything else in life, you can’t control the outcome. But you can maintain a positive attitude and keep the faith that love will come.
Don’t you want to find love? It’s the greatest feeling, to be in a real lasting, loving relationship. You can have it if you begin to take these steps.
If you’re serious about finding love in the New Year, I can help. Stay tuned for my new webinar and Love Course coming in January 2012.
With love,




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