Are You in Love or Seeking Validation?

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seeking validation

Are you in love or seeking validation? In this video, you’ll learn the difference between a healthy attraction and an unhealthy one.

You’re dating someone who blows hot and cold, and you’re trying to win them over. You believe they would love you more if you improve yourself just a little bit more. Maybe you think you’re in love with them, and they just needed to see how amazing you are. Are you really in love, or are you seeking validation? 

Are You in Love or Seeking Validation?

Many people who are dating are seeking validation, not love. What’s the difference?

2 Types of Validation in Dating and Relationships

Healthy validation: When you help your date or partner feel good about themselves, that’s a healthy form of validation. Some examples are giving them an authentic compliment or letting them know how much you appreciate their support and are attracted to them.

Unhealthy validation: When we seek validation by sacrificing our personal values for the sake of approval, it’s emotionally damaging. This can show up through always trying to please your partner at the cost of not being true to yourself. Or avoiding difficult conversations due to the fear of what would happen if you have an argument. These are signs that you rely on external validation to feel good about yourself in the relationship.

When we’re constantly seeking validation in dating, it’s often due to our own insecurities. We focus on what the other person thinks of us rather than what we want and need and whether the relationship is healthy for us. When we abandon our own needs to make someone else accept us, we stay in unhealthy relationships. 

Unfortunately, many of us tend to like the people who don’t like us back, especially if we have an insecure attachment style and were raised by caretakers who were distant in some way. It’s our responsibility to build our self-worth and not source it externally.

5 ways to increase your self esteem:

1. Discover your core values

2. Figure out your five must-haves and five deal breakers

3. Stick to your lists, no matter how good looking, smart or sexy someone is. Stay true to yourself.

4. Fill your life with people and things that light you up

5. Take yourself on weekly dates

If you follow those five tips, you’ll become more selective and probably date less people, which is a good thing. You’ll be able to recognize when someone is giving you mere crumbs of attention, and you’ll walk away rather than seek validation by jumping through hoops with the wrong partner.

5 Signs of a Healthy Loving Relationship

1. Able to speak about anything

2. Mutual trust

3. Support each other

4. Respect for boundaries

5. Common values and goals

When these five things are present, hold onto this person. Because this is the golden ticket – true love! And if you’re seeking validation instead of love, please work on increasing your self-esteem so you can go on your last first date.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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