Are You Self-Focused or Other-Focused in Dating?

Posted by in love after 40 | 0 comments

self-focused

When should you be self-focused in dating and when should you be other-focused? In this video, learn how to create healthier relationships.

Are you caught in the trap of being other-focused vs self-focused in dating? When you’re too other-focused, especially during the dating process, it’s a form of codependency, which is an unhealthy attachment to the other person. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I hope he’ll like me more if I cook him dinner on our second date”, or “I need to break up, but I’m afraid to hurt his feelings”, or “I’m afraid to say no, because he might leave me”, you’re too other-focused. When you focus on his needs first, you’re at risk for abandoning your own needs and losing yourself. In this video, you’ll learn three ways to stop being other-focused when you’re dating, and how to begin to focus on yourself first.

Self-Focused Vs. Other-Focused in Dating

The problem with being other-focused in dating:

1. We abandon ourselves. Caring too much about what our date thinks or feels can prevent us from doing what’s right for us. This is how we lose parts of ourselves. 

2. We forget to trust our intuition. Our instincts are usually right, but if we’re focusing so much on what he needs, we bury those red flags, dismissing all the signs that someone is not a good match. And we give up what WE need.

3. We don’t evolve. It’s easy to focus on the men we date and what they do wrong. Pointing fingers and blaming men won’t help you grow. Focusing on our part helps us grow into the best version of ourselves, which ultimately attracts in the right people.

How to shift your focus from him to you

When you’re first dating someone, it’s important to focus on how YOU FEEL when you’re with him. One way to start shifting your focus is by implementing the 5 elements of intimacy from Access Consciousness. They’re designed for increasing intimacy in relationships, but if you apply them to yourself, you’ll be able to attract in the right partner (YOU).

  1. Honor – I have my own back
  2. Trust – I trust myself
  3. Gratitude – I am grateful for myself
  4. Vulnerability – I am not afraid to be vulnerable with myself
  5. Allowance – I see everything without judgment, as just a point of view, not good or bad

When you’re able to fill your cup first, you have the capacity to focus on him. That’s true for the dating process and for healthy relationships.

Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship, because you were too focused on him and not enough on your needs? Please leave a comment and let me know your takeaways from this video.


If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find true love, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.

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