Be the Chooser in Dating

Posted by in dating in midlife, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

Ready to be the chooser in dating? Read about how you can become an empowered dater, the one who chooses instead of saying, ‘pick me, pick me!’

be the chooser in dating

I subscribe to a great blog from Seth Godin, a very successful marketing and branding coach. He speaks volumes in very few words. I often see parallels between dating and business advice. Yesterday’s blog was particularly resonant. Here’s the blog, Beggars can’t be choosers, in its entirety:

If you’d rather be a chooser, enter a market or a transaction where you have something to trade, something of value, something to offer that’s difficult to get everywhere else. 

If all you have is the desire to get picked, that’s not sufficient.

Seth’s excellent business advice on being the chooser inspired me to write about this topic in relation to dating. I’ll try to keep it short and sweet, just like Seth does : )

How to Be the Chooser in Dating

Many women date with the attitude of the beggar, not the chooser. They’re giving a message, “Pick me! Pick me!” They hope that if they say and do just the right things to please a man, they will be asked out on another date, hopefully ending in a relationship. This is messed up thinking. Being passive is an ineffective way to date. Here’s how to take back control and sit in the chooser’s seat.

Step #1: Stop Being the Beggar

You must stop being a beggar, or the passive one, in order to step into the shoes of the chooser in dating. You need to believe in your inherent value. You rock, woman! If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. And stop accepting the crumbs that men dole out to you. Believe in your self-worth, and you’ll sit in the chair of the chooser, not the beggar who’s lucky to be chosen.

Step #2: Find Your Unique Value

I love what Seth Godin says about how to be the chooser: “enter a market…where you have something to trade…of value, something to offer that’s difficult to get everywhere else.”

Why would he want to date you? Because you offer something of value to him that he can’t get with another woman. And I don’t mean that you’re a size two or you have the exact shade of blonde hair that he loves. I’m talking about the confidence that you exude from your healthy self-esteem and the way he feels around you. That’s what matters most.

Step #3: Leave Him Wanting More

A chooser is not eager to share her whole life story with a man she barely knows. She chooses what she’ll share and when she’ll share it.

And that goes for her body, too. She doesn’t give up the goods before there’s monogamy. She understand the value of her love, and a man has to show that he’s worthy of the treasures she holds.

Are you the chooser in dating?  If not, please share what has happened when you’ve allowed a man to do the choosing while you idly stood by, waiting to be chosen.

If you want to immediately turn around your dating success, sign up here for my FREE report on why men disappear and how to find lasting love. Happy dating!


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