Break Free of Dating Myths That Keep You From Love

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dating myths

What are the dating myths that are keeping you from your last first date? Damona Hoffman tells all in this episode!

My podcast guest, Damona Hoffman, is a regular cast member of The Drew Barrymore Show and a frequent contributor to NPR, The Washington Post, The LA Times, and Access Hollywood. Her podcast, Dates & Mates, was named Podcast of the Year at the Black Podcasting Awards in 2022. Damona’s first book F the Fairy Tale was released January 2, 2024. She lives in LA with her husband and two children.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The four dating myths in Damona’s book
  • The pillars of healthy relationships
  • What’s missing in the dating world today
  • Unconscious biases that keep people from love

EP 606: Damona Hoffman – Break Free of Dating Myths That Keep You From Love

Why did you write this book, and what do you hope readers will take away?

I’ve been in the game for a while. Podcasting for 11 years, coaching 17 years. We were at a point where dating was changing faster than our understanding about dating. I wanted people to have a roadmap for the future of dating and design their own dating plans instead of letting the fairy tale machine steer us in the wrong direction. Live your own love story!

What are the four dating myths you write about in F the Fairytale?

We begin with mindset, then we move to the date, then how we show up in dating, then we move to the future. We don’t get there if we don’t go through these steps.

1. The List Myth: While we all think we’re looking for someone unique, most people will recite the exact same list of qualities they’re seeking in an ideal mate. These “high-value traits” are a product of societal and familial expectations, and we need to consider if these qualities truly support the life we want.

2. The Rules Myth: Treating dating as a game to be won, adopting a tactical approach to meeting people, or employing dating “hacks” are all signs that we’re operating by the Rules Myth. This approach blocks us from making fulfilling connections.

3. The Chemistry Myth: Rom-coms have sold us the lie that we should feel instant chemistry or a“spark”when we meet our person, but feeling butterflies can actually be a warning signal from our nervous system.

4. The Soulmate Myth: 70% of people believe in soulmates but this belief hurts more than it helps; seeking one perfect soulmate sets us up for disappointment by holding people to an impossible standard.

What are the pillars of relationships?

  • Start with relationship goals. Are you both invested in the same goal? Then, look for alignment of words and actions.
  • The next pillar is your values. Do this before you begin dating. These are the things you invest money, time, and interest in. Look for alignment in the top two categories.
  • Communication. On the date, see how you communicate with each other in person.
  • Future. Once you’re in a relationship, choose your partner every day.

Tell us about your own love story.

I was going on two dates a week before I met my husband online. Even then, I looked at dating as skill building. The more I dated, the better I got at it. That way, I put less emphasis on each date. And that’s how I met my husband!

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Dates are opportunities to grow and evolve and become the greatest version of yourself. We put a lot of meaning on each date, and because of the fairytale, we think it has to have a certain ending. Dates can just be dates. They can be fun activities. Do fun things. Adapt your mindset around dating and design your future.

Connect with Damona

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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