Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage

Posted by in dating in midlife, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments


How do we heal and finally break free from self-sabotage? Join Stephenie Zamora on this episode to learn how to get unstuck and move forward!

Stephenie Zamora is an author and coach, business and marketing strategist, and founder of Stephenie Zamora Media—a digital media and production company, publishing house, and full-service life-purpose development, branding, and online marketing boutique. Her company has been merging the worlds of personal development, digital media, and online marketing to help individuals build purpose-driven lives and businesses for over a decade.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The “Winning Strategy” and how it contributes to self-sabotage
  • The “Terror Barrier” and how it causes people to stop short of goals
  • The most important question to ask yourself when in self-doubt
  • How to heal from self-sabotage

EP 527: Stephenie Zamora – Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage

What is the “Winning Strategy,” and how does it contribute to self-sabotage?

Our winning strategy gets developed when we’re very young. Until age seven, we get a lot of information that’s subconscious and forms our winning strategy. We believe some things are possible and some are not. We carry this with us and don’t realize it’s there and shapes our world view. This allows us to achieve a certain level of success and it keeps us from what we really want.

When it comes to dating the wrong partner or sabotaging patterns, it comes down to the same strategy.

What is the “Terror Barrier” that causes most people to stop short of their goals, and how do we navigate it with more ease?

The Terror Barrier is about when we move towards something we desire that feels scary, our subconscious throws a fit. It doesn’t feel safe. It feels like you won’t survive. Trauma triggers come up. Our limiting beliefs are activated. We reinforce the story, and it causes us to revert to the old patterns. To navigate it with more ease, understand it’s completely normal. If you can simplify it to what’s happening, you can ground yourself and whether the Terror Barrier. If you can ride it out, you’ll do better.

What’s the most important question we can ask ourselves when things go wrong and we start to spiral into doubt and self-sabotage?

What really happened? Feel your feelings and unhook from our stories. Maybe you went on a date and thought it went well, and then they ghosted you. Look at what happened instead of spiraling into our subconscious stories and core wounding.

Next, ask What do you want?

Then ask, What’s next/what’s missing? That will move you towards what you want.

How can we heal on a cellular level so that we’re no longer drowning in debilitating cycles of trauma triggers, freeze states, confusion, or paralyzing fear? 

Do process work. Intellectually understanding our wounds is helpful and freeing to a degree. However, all of the trauma is in your body. Feel your feelings so it moves out of us. That way it doesn’t get stored. Excavate all that’s stored in your body so you can be free to choose to respond differently to triggers.

What’s your best advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Do the work to know yourself fully and live in alignment with who you are and be fully expressed.

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