Can Friends Become Lovers?

Posted by in love after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

can friends become loversHi Sandy,

I have this man in my  life. We’ve been friends for 13 years and we have this strong connection.  Whenever we see each other, this feeling in my stomach comes up and it happens every time.

We would’ve been a couple a few years back, but then he found out he was going to be a father and we left it there.  We don’t see each other regularly, but whenever we do, it’s like nothing has changed.

I know we both want it to happen (if you know what I mean) and it almost did.  but am I stupid to want a relationship with my good friend, or should I let it go. Basically, I want to know; can friends become lovers?

I think you can speak straight to me and say I must move on.  But I’m afraid to be alone one day.  In reality I just want my own baby and treasure it with love.  I don’t want to get married at all, as I see too many of my married friends who are living very unhappy lives . So, I think I’ll just take life as it comes and take the worries away!!

Please let me know what you think. 

Thanks,

Mary

Dear Mary,

Can friends become lovers? Absolutely. But it can also ruin a friendship if you both want different things in the relationship. Thirteen years is a long time to be pining for this guy’s love. That’s why I think you should bring up your attraction to him.

But first ask yourself, “What would be worse, to possibly lose this friendship if he doesn’t want to be more than friends, or possibly lose a love relationship that might never be if I stay silent forever?”

Here’s the thing. You’ve been friends for such a long time, but when you feel that strong attraction, it’s hard to stay in the friend zone without suppressing those strong sexual feelings. You’re basically giving up something very important by staying friends, aren’t you?

My biggest fear for you is that you won’t be able to find another partner who is fully available to you, because you’re holding out for your friend. I don’t want you to live a life of regrets. You want a baby. You deserve to have a baby. Do you want to wake up one day and ask yourself, “Why did I wait for my friend to be to become the father of my child? If I had moved on and let go of false hopes, I could have found a partner to love and father my child.”

Your married friends are unhappy? That’s probably because they chose the wrong partner or didn’t have the skills to keep a marriage alive. Most people have no clue how to be in relationships. That doesn’t make marriage a bad proposition.

So Mary, I suggest that you be brutally honest with yourself and what you want in your life. After having the “Friends or Lovers” conversation with your friend, be ready to walk away if his answer is no or not right now. You deserve to have a baby and find a loving man who is fully available to be in a relationship with you.

xoxo

Sandy

 

 

 

Comments

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

AlphaOmega Captcha Classica  –  Enter Security Code
     
 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.