Charisma, Attraction, Connection on a First Date

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first date

What’s the purpose of a first date? To see if you want a second date. How do you have the best first date? Find out here.

first date

What’s the purpose of a first date? To see if there’s a possibility for a second date, says my radio guest, Jordan Harbinger. Jordan is the founder of

He’s often referred to as “The Larry King of podcasting,” is a Wall Street lawyer turned interview talk show host, and a communications and social dynamics expert.

Jordan has hosted a top 50 iTunes podcast for over 12 years and receives over six million downloads per month, making The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the most popular podcasts in the world. The show was awarded Apple’s “Best of 2018” and is one of the most downloaded shows of the year. On The Jordan Harbinger Show, Jordan deconstructs the playbooks of the most successful people on earth and shares their strategies, perspectives, and practical insights with the rest of us.

Following are highlights of our podcast episode.

What makes a man attractive?

My work is based on scientific principles of attraction. What makes a man attractive is a combination of social skills and charisma, both of which are learned traits. Men tend to make the wrong assumptions about women. One of the reasons that these guys say things  like, “Women are only interested in money” is that they are limited in their perspective. It’s a mindset issue. Men are looking for two things in women; youth and fertility. These are biological traits that are hard to alter. Women are looking for things in men that can be worked on. That’s to men’s advantage! Men’s charismatic skill set can be worked on. Women are forgiving about men’s looks. We work on changing  men’s behavior.

How can men make themselves more attractive?

In our bootcamps, we have exercises that help with body language. We film you communicating with women you don’t know. We help men develop a new game plan. We have a huge support group to connect men after the program is over. Guys share issues with each other, party together, and travel together.

What’s the purpose of a first date?

It’s literally just to create a first impression to get her wanting more from you. At 25, the first date is to show her that you’re fun. That’s what she’s looking for. If you’re 45 and you’re both divorced, you can still show her that you’re fun. Or maybe she wants something a little heavier. You need to showcase that you’re interesting enough for her to want to see you again. Develop good rapport. You don’t need to make any important decisions on a first date, like “Is she going to be my wife?” It’s essentially about sharing emotions. If we both like travel, great, but it’s superficial. What you want to do is bring out the emotions, like through childhood connections. Everyone has been raised through childhood, so you can generate rapport through that. “Where did you grow up? What was it like growing up there?” “Did you have any pets? Family parties?” Even people with traumatic childhoods, they still have something to share that’s happy.

What makes a good first date?

Make a great first impression. Stay present. Focus less on what you say and more on what you do. Nonverbal communication really matters. Don’t go to dinner and a movie. Invite someone to come along and do what you’re already doing. “Hey, do you like hiking? Great. Let’s go to ______ and take a hike, and then we’ll go to dinner afterwards.” You’ll get a lot of great information about the woman that way, much more than sitting across a table at dinner and then sitting silently at a movie. If you meet online, don’t be afraid to do a quick coffee. You’re meeting a total stranger.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find your last first date, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute breakthrough session with Sandy

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook

Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.


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