Chemistry or Compatibility – How to Choose a Partner?

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chemistry or compatibility

Chemistry or compatibility – do you need both? How do you balance the two in a relationship? Watch this video!

Which is more important – chemistry or compatibility? Are they equally important? One of the biggest challenges in romantic relationships is finding the balance between chemistry and compatibility. Here’s how to choose a partner based on both.

Chemistry or Compatibility – How to Choose a Partner?

What is Chemistry in Dating and Relationships?

Chemistry is visceral. It’s the excitement and desire that we feel when we first meet someone. There’s a craving for intimacy, an animal magnetism.

4 Signs of Instant Chemistry:

  1. Elevated heart rate
  2. Rush of blood to the genitals
  3. Butterflies in your belly
  4. Sweaty palms

We can mistake these signs as love at first sight. And that’s dangerous, because without compatibility, these sparky relationships will crash and burn. Chemistry that’s off the charts at the beginning is also unsafe, as it’s often anxiety-inducing. It’s easy to put someone on a pedestal if you’re feeling strong chemistry when you first meet. And then, you’ll lose yourself and miss red flags.

3 Signs of Healthy Chemistry:

  1. Connection that makes you want to see them again
  2. Laughing together
  3. Feeling like you ‘get’ each other

What is Compatibility in Dating and Relationships?

Compatibility is about comfort, trust, warmth, mutual admiration, and affection. It’s about a couple’s ability to get along and communicate well. 

4 Signs of Compatibility:

  1. Common values
  2. Good communication
  3. Conversation flows
  4. Common interests
  5. You complement one another

Which Do We Need? Chemistry or Compatibility?

The short answer is we need both: Chemistry at the start of a relationship makes you want to get physically close. Compatibility makes you want to continue to get to know that person.

Chemistry is the desire to go towards someone, and compatibility makes us want to stay with them. Compatibility helps us grow together and get through the tough times. It’s the foundation of a relationship, and without it the relationship will likely not last. Chemistry can fade, while compatibility helps sustain and grow the relationship.

The paradox is, how can you be excited by someone who makes you feel safe? How can you relax around someone who arouses you?

Can Chemistry or Compatibility Grow?

Many believe that chemistry and compatibility can’t be forced – you either click or you don’t. You can try to ignore the lack of either one, but that doesn’t work either. What to do?

Confusing Chemistry for Compatibility Can Hurt You and the Relationship

If you keep valuing the sparks of chemistry instead of prioritizing compatibility, you could be attracting relationships that are toxic to you. Relationships that are mostly based in chemistry often crash and burn.

Relationships that have a strong base of compatibility can flourish and grow. But the attraction and chemistry has to grow, too, or you’re basically platonic friends. If that’s not what you’re looking for…

Look for a Balance of Chemistry and Compatibility

When your relationship has compatibility and chemistry, that’s the secret sauce. You want an ongoing balance between safety and arousal, security and excitement.

  1. Take your time discovering whether you’re compatible before you jump into bed and lose your head.
  2. If your partner has everything you thought you wanted and needed, but the chemistry doesn’t grow with time, it’s probably time to leave.
  3. Remember there is no perfect match. As long as there’s a good balance, you’re in the right relationship!

Mastering that ability to balance excitement with security and safety is the key for finding lasting happiness in your romantic relationship.

Join the Woman of Value Club, where we have a monthly masterclass on topics like this one. Learn more and join here:

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Check out my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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