Confident and Sexy From the Inside Out

Posted by in love after 40, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

confidence from the inside outConfidence is sexy and attractive. But so many women don’t feel confident because they are at war with their bodies. My radio guest, Nina Manolson is a certified psychology of eating coach and holistic health coach who helps women over 40 end their war with food and make peace their bodies. She works with women who want to create a healthy, positive relationship with themselves. She specializes in helping smart women make healthy choices consistently and sustainably in their busy lives. Nina shared how women can be confident and sexy from the inside out. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of our radio show on Last First Date Radio.

Why are so many women not feeling good about themselves?

There’s so much compare and despair, that feeling that I’m not enough. What’s attractive in our society is the latest fashion. What is confidence based on? Feeling good about who you are and believing in yourself and standing up for your own brand of beauty. That’s the true meaning of confident and sexy.

Compare and despair has the same stress response in our body as stressing about running away from a bear. You get into survival mode, fight or flight, which takes our blood and energy away from digestion. All of that lowers our immune system. This is one of the main reasons why women aren’t feeling good about themselves.

Is it really possible to love your body and feel confident and sexy?

Absolutely. I have five steps that women can take towards loving their bodies more.

1. Awareness. Name it and notice it. For example, when you don’t like the way you look in the mirror, say to yourself, “Oh, there’s that mean mirror voice.” Bring your awareness to it. Having the light shine on it creates a moment of pause.

2. Curiosity. Ask yourself, “Whose voice is this?” Sometimes that mean mirror voice is reminiscent of what a parent or teacher used to say. Sometimes it’s a magazine/movie/media culture voice. What’s the purpose of that voice? It’s a message from our unwanted negative inner voice. Sometimes it’s saying, “I’m trying to protect you. If I judge you first, no one else can judge you.”

For example, if we are uncomfortable with a desire for success, that negative voice can step in to stop us from having what we want. What if we stepped into what we really wanted? The voice can be a placeholder for feelings that we don’t want to feel.

3. Write a new script. When insecurities show up, find a new way of talking to yourself. Pick up pen and paper, and craft new words to say, “I know you want to look like that woman because you think she’s skinny and getting more friends/money/dates. But remember that you are loved.” What would you say to your dearest friend or your daughter. That’s what you should begin saying to yourself. Bring that voice of compassion.

4. Interrupt the pattern with the new script. Retrain your brain. Get out of compare and despair and into your new script. From “I hate my big hips” to “Wow, look at those hips, they’re so curvy!” A small shift of inflection creates a new neuro-pathway in your brain.

5. Practice self-compassion. Compassion is sorely lacking in most women. There’s a technique to bring more compassion to yourself. Buddhists call it meta meditation. It shifts us out of fight or flight into para sympathetic. You can use the following five phrases:

May I be safe.

May I be healthy.

May I be happy.

May I live with ease.

May I love myself exactly as I am.

Then you move to the next sphere.

May my daughter be safe…May my parents be safe… until you practice compassion for all beings.

How can you create a healthy and positive relationship with your body?

You work on three levels. First is a mindset shift. Level two is the practical level, doing what’s right for your body. Level three is the practical and your lifestyle shift. You’re busy. This has to be something that works in your life.

To learn more and listen to Confident and Sexy from the Inside Out, click here.

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