Creating Relationship Patterns that Work

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, red flags in relationships, single women over 40 | 0 comments

DanyelleBeaudryOne of my radio guests this week, Danyelle Beaudry, is the author of several books, including; “I’m right, You need to Change”, “Successful Partners in Life” and 3 more books. She’s been coaching individuals and couples for over 20 years. She speaks in the US and in Canada and teaches the Voel program, designed to empower individuals to achieve their life goals by releasing old patterns (mind, heart and body) and creating new empowered patterns of behavior. Most importantly, she’s a mother of 3 and a grandmother of 6. Danyelle spoke to my radio audience about creating relationship patterns that work. Following are loosely transcripted highlights of yesterday’s show.

1. How do I identify the dating/relationship patterns that haven’t worked in the past?

First, take your power back. The relationship ended. Be honest about that relationship. Did that person really work for you? Don’t just ask what you did wrong. Ask yourself, did he/she represent what i wanted? Maybe they were abusive. Did you compromise your personal needs and wants? Be grateful for the gifts of that relationship. If you did have your needs met, look within. Serial daters go from one relationship to the next without stopping, so stop and breathe deeply. Pay attention to the signs. Maybe you contradicted him in the relationship? Maybe you didn’t support their dreams? Identify those patterns and work on changing them.

2. How can I transform these into new empowered patterns?

There are four actions to release old patterns and create new ones.

1. Take the time to transform yourself and change your pattern. Your pattern took a long time to develop.

2. Take the time to do some healing work so you transform. Find the anchor. Why do these patterns keep repeating themselves? Maybe you were modeling your relationship after your parent. Look within and figure out where the pattern came from.

3. Release the anchor. For example, re-experience how was it for you when you watched your parents fighting. Imagine you’re a little girl and you’re watching your parents fighting. Let go of the fear within so you can heal.

4. Create new patterns that work modeled after what you were not doing. The anchor is the fear you’re holding in your body.

3. What are the key ingredients needed to know that I’m “ready” for dating?

Check your self-love thermometer. What do you love about yourself? Do you believe you’re lovable? What don’t you love about yourself? What you believe is what you’ll attract.

4. How do I know if my date is a good fit?

1. Listen to your heart and your body. You already know. Keep the mind quiet. Breathe deeply.

2. Go  back to your list of must-haves and nice-to-haves. You’ll get some green lights. There are lots of signals, even from the first date.

3. If you’re not sure, go on another date. Then revisit your list.

4. Journal and write about your experience. Writing helps you become an objective observer.

 

To listen to the show, click here.

 

Please let me know about your relationship patterns. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

xoxo

Sandy

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