Cultivating Vulnerability in Relationships

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vulnerability in relationships

Anwar White shows how increasing vulnerability in relationships is the secret to cultivating healthier relationships. Listen in!

Anwar White and I had a dynamic conversation about vulnerability in relationships and dating. He’s the Founder of the Get Your Guy coaching program. He’s a certified Dating and Relationship Coach who has helped thousands of smart and successful women heal their hearts, date effectively, and get their guy!

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What is vulnerability in dating and relationships?
  • Why do so many people resist being vulnerable?
  • What is the true definition of rejection?
  • The connection between shame and vulnerability
  • 3 steps to increase vulnerability
  • How vulnerability changes from dating to relationships

How do you define vulnerability, and why is it important in relationships?

Vulnerability is the center of connection to relationships. It’s being willing to expose yourself so you can be seen as your full authentic self. Successful relationships have vulnerability. Otherwise you have hiding and avoiding.

Why do so many people resist being vulnerable in relationships?

It’s not easy. We’re not taught how to be vulnerable. We’re taught not to feel certain ways. We hold onto these childhood beliefs to protect ourselves.

Also, people see vulnerability as a weakness. We always want control of a situation. And without control it feels uncomfortable. 

We also have a primal fear of rejection. We can be scared of the reaction when we are vulnerable.

Let’s talk about the connection between shame and vulnerability.

I want us to embrace how we’re feeling. Shame might be part of it. Acknowledge how you’re feeling. Then, understand you’re feeling this way for a variety of reasons. Then, know it will pass. 

What are three steps to start becoming more vulnerable?

First, ask for help. Allow others to be there for you. That’s how we develop trust. It’s one of the most important qualities. “Can you call me tonight at 7?” “Can you look at my car?”

Second, share more about yourself. Do it with the people you feel safe around. Family and friends first. Examples: your goals in relationship, social, work, challenges. Talk about successes, too.

Third, accept compliments. Receive and allow them.

How does vulnerability change between dating and a relationship?

In dating, there’s a progression of vulnerability as you move forward on the journey. Let it naturally flow instead of forcing it. Often, men are not super vulnerable right out of the gate. When they feel more comfortable, they dip their toe in.

Focus on just having a good time in the beginning. Have fun first. That helps you get into a more vulnerable space.

Level 1: Facts. Share a fact about something that happened to you.

Level 2: How you think about it.

Level 3: How you feel about it.

In a relationship, those three levels are a given without hesitancy. 

What are your final words of advice for someone who wants to go on their last first date?

It’s about being your whole authentic self. There’s no room for facades. Bring the quirkiness, the things you’re scared to share with others. Those are your superpowers. Someone will love all parts of you. 

Connect with Anwar here:

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