Developing a Thicker Skin in Dating

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thicker skin in dating

If you don’t develop a thicker skin in dating, it will take a hit on your self-worth. Here’s how to stop taking things personally in dating!

It’s important to develop a thicker skin in dating, especially if you’re dating online, or you’ll soon burn out or question your self-worth. It’s hard to stay positive with all the ghosting, bread crumbing, sexual comments, and unkind or un-engaging messages. The key to developing a thicker skin is not taking anything personally. It’s about having the ability to bounce back and let whatever happens roll off your back. Even the most sensitive person can do this. Here are five valuable tips for developing a thicker skin in dating. 

5 Ways to Develop a Thicker Skin in Dating

1. Separate fact from story

When someone we’re dating says or does something that hurts, we often make up a story about why they did that. It’s important to realize that the thoughts in our head are assumptions, not necessarily truths. We don’t know why that person ghosted or rejected us. The stories we make up are probably not true. So how can we stop the self-doubt? Instead of asking why they did that, ask higher level questions, like, “Why would I want to date someone who would do that?”

2. Rejection is not personal if they don’t know you

If someone doesn’t want to date you or disappears suddenly without warning, is your first thought,”What did I do wrong?” There are many other ways to look at what we call rejection that will help you develop a thicker skin. Here are two things to consider:

  • If they never met you, they can’t reject you, because they don’t know you
  • Find contrary evidence about why this might have happened. You’ll realize it’s probably not about you. Maybe they’re dating others. Maybe they have a fear of intimacy. Who knows. Who cares. Move on.

3. Remember your worth

Someone’s behavior doesn’t determine your worth. And while you can’t control the behavior of others, there are several things you can do differently next time that might prevent being rejected, ghosted, or taking it so hard.

  • Build trust more slowly. 
  • If you tend to have sex early on, wait until you see consistent interest from your romantic interest. You’ll be able to think more rationally instead of letting your hormones take over and ignore red flags.
  • Don’t share your vulnerabilities as quickly. People have to earn your deeper stories, so reveal them slowly, once trust is built.

4. Discover the deeper reasons for why it hurts so much

Sometimes the reason someone’s comment hurts or a situation seems unbearable is because it reminds us of a deeper wound from our past. For example, if you were criticized by your mother as a child, you’re very sensitive to any perceived criticism. Or if your father left when you were young, you have an abandonment wound, believing everyone will leave you.

When you identify the original childhood wound, you can distinguish between then and now and see that it’s a different scene with different people. That will help take away some of the pain. 

5. Remember a time when you had thicker skin

When you take something personally, try to remember past victories when you were tougher or overcame adversity. Journal about a time when you did something challenging, a time when you stood up to someone who criticized you. Keep birthday cards and positive feedback from friends or colleagues to remind you of how awesome and capable you are. It also helps to look at a photo of you and your loved ones to remind you of how loved you are.

While you can’t always avoid heartbreak and rejection, if your emotional skin is thick enough to handle it, it will be far less painful. 

Work at developing a thicker skin every day. It’s a practice. And if you encounter someone who doesn’t like you as much as you like them, you will be able to get back to center much quicker and move on to find the right partner and go on your last first date.  

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your match, apply for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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