Dinner Date: When to Invite Him Over
When’s the right time to invite a man over for a dinner date? This man invited himself over after the first date. Too soon?
One of my Facebook group members posted this question about when to invite a man over for a dinner date:
I had what I thought was a very nice first date tonight..lasted 3 hours and we talked easily about all kinds of subjects and laughed quite a bit. He said he’d like to see me again. When I got home he sent a very sweet email about all of the reasons he liked me.
I said I had a nice time too and then he sent me this: “I think you should invite me over for a nice home cooked meal in the not too distant future. Ball’s in your court…”.
Really? After a first date? We had talked about cooking, and he asked if I was a good cook. I said yes, but this seems a bit inappropriate to me after a first date. I responded that I wasn’t ready to invite him over my house yet and I needed to get to know him better and feel more comfortable. Thoughts?
The Dinner Date: When to Invite Him Over
Here’s what he wrote back: “We all need each other. I’m a bit of a loner and can easily amuse myself, but I truly miss the meaningful connection of a good woman. I also would say that you are very passionate as am I. Sparks may fly. Just get rid of your fears.”
She replied that she doesn’t have fears. She just doesn’t like rushing into things. He apologized and said that’s not what he meant (how else could he have meant it?) and he can’t wait to see her again. She says she will see him again, but he’s making her feel a bit pressured and uncomfortable.
A man who moves too fast? That’s a big red flag!
Her instincts are telling her that this behavior is uncomfortable. That’s because her intuition is spot on. A man who moves too fast, who assumes intimacy of any kind before there’s a relationship, before he really knows you? That’s a big red flag.
He wasn’t honoring her when he said she had fears she needed to get rid of. Really? Anyone who diminishes your needs and tells you to just get over it…that’s controlling behavior. Beware of anyone who says you SHOULD do anything. Watch out for someone who tells you you’re TOO anything (sensitive, afraid, prudish, etc.).
Also, he mentioned that he’s a loner. That concerns me. Many older men who’ve been alone for a while are lonely, and they want a relationship so badly, they jump in before a woman is ready. They meet a woman who seems to have potential to be a partner, and without knowing her well, they want to escalate the relationship.
He wants a dinner date before there’s trust and safety in the relationship.
If she decides to see him again (perhaps for dinner at a restaurant, NOT her home), be on high alert. Look for signs of control and neediness. If they’re there on the second date, walk away.
Keep on listening to your intuition, get very familiar with red flags like controlling behavior and neediness, and don’t stay with men who have these deal breakers. If you keep on leaving the wrong men, you will find the right guy for you!
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