Divorced, 43, and Over the Hill?

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, first date success | 0 comments

over the hillDear Sandy,

I live in New York, and was set up with a guy from Miami. He called last week to say he’s coming in this Thursday for a family event. He asked if I want to pick him up from the airport and spend the weekend at his nephew’s home with him. I actually was excited and agreed, since we had spoken several times on the phone and I got good background information about him from other people. ┬áHe seems like a very good very match for me. At my age and stage ~ I’m 43 with 6 kids and grandkids ~ I don’t have many choices of men to date in my community. I am also from a Chassidic background. If he lived in New York, there would be no question that he would pick me up. If the guy doesn’t really make it his business to pick me up then is he really interested in me? I keep thinking he comes from such a royal family and waits for royal treatment, and I feel desperate and lonely. I’m divorced, 43, and over the hill…

Lynn

Dear Lynn,

Forty-three-years old is over the hill? Are you kidding? And you’re worried about who would date you with six kids and grandchildren? If you come from a Chassidic family, you probably got married when you were very young, and your six kids are mostly grown and out of the house. You have grandkids? Guess what, you’re a young grandma, and many men would find that to be sexy!

Are you over the hill?

No way! But if you believe you are old and desperate, you will convey that you are unworthy to every man you meet. Your good attitude and self-confidence are what make you attractive, not the number of years you’ve been living.

Lynn, when you feel good about yourself, you become so much more attractive. And you naturally become more picky, because you don’t believe that every guy is the last one to walk this planet.

I don’t think it’s a bad idea to pick up Mr. Miami from the airport. But, I do think it’s a bad idea to have a sleepover with a virtual stranger.

He comes from royalty? I don’t care if his father was the King of England. He’s a stranger, and you need to build your relationship with caution and care. If you sleep together when you first meet, what message are you sending him? If you’re dating for marriage, which I assume you are, then you should proceed slowly and with dignity.

Begin to think of yourself as royalty, Lynn. Date like a queen or even a CEO, deciding whether you want to hire or fire each man you meet. You’re the one in charge. You are dating with the attitude that you’re not worthy. You must believe that you are special in order to attract a man who cherishes you.

Don’t accept crumbs. Don’t feel swayed by a man’s wish for you to do something that you’re not comfortable doing. A good guy will respect a woman with standards. Figure out what yours are, and don’t settle for anything less.

xoxo

Sandy

 

 

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